An Alien Bug

Day 1

First day of the blog.  Obviously.  This is new for me, too.  I’ve never been much of a blogger.  But, with nothing else urgent to occupy my time for the foreseeable future, I might as well start one.  I think people will be interested in reading this given the context.  All right.  Here it goes.

Got my test results back today.  I have the symptoms.  I’m confirmed positive for the virus.  That was all they could tell me, sadly.  There was no indication of what the change would entail, or even if I would change at all.  That wasn’t a surprise.  The fucking government likely didn’t give a shit about what happened to anyone infected, during, or after the process.  Unless it was one of them, of course.  The way of the world.

There is no telling how long it would take for me to lose my humanity.  Maybe I never really would, not entirely.  It was a small hope, but the only one I could hold on to.  Weeks of scouring the internet told me no credible stories of anyone who had been confirmed infected remaining home or human.  That didn’t mean it didn’t happen, right?  Not everyone was tech savvy.

Still, it was likely inevitable I’d show the usual symptoms.  Over several days, weeks, or maybe even months, I would start changing into a totally non-human being.  One that did not exist on this planet or any other that humanity had ever set foot on.  A creature whose final form was likely unknown to us.  And I was only one of thousands undergoing a similar experience.

I know this next part is redundant.  It’s only good for someone living under a rock for the past few months.  I know all my readers will have lived this first hand.  Fuck, we’re all still living it.  But it’s not for them I’m writing this.  Part of it is to tell my own perspective, to put the events into my words.  The other is, on the off chance that this blog exists far into the future, after this whole circumstance is resolved, I want people to know.  Not that I either think people will forget or that the situation will ever resolve itself.  But that doesn’t matter at the time of this writing.

It happened a few months ago.  SETI scientists reported the presence of a signal, one that had to be from another civilization.  There was no mistaking it for anything else, so we were told.  It was wild in and of itself, of course.  But, perhaps most alarming of all was its proximity.  The beacon seemed to be originating from the outskirts of our solar system, not several thousand light-years away as such a signal should be.  Though it was impossible, none of the data indicated it was a false alarm.

Yet even with the public release of the findings, no one was too concerned about the signal at first.  Naturally, alien conspiracies were running wild, and millions turned their telescopes to the skies for signs of an oncoming ship or even an armada.  Yet the most effective visual aids failed to turn up anything concrete.  Soon even the signal stopped transmitting, and the news reports shifted from talk of extraterrestrials to more mundane things.  In the hustle and rush of day-to-day life, it was quickly forgotten.

It was neat to think that aliens could be visiting our planet, and had reached out to contact us.  But it was nearly an impossibility, even with the evidence at hand.  Top scientists weighed in, discussing the physical futility of any beings making the unfathomable journey from far beyond our solar system, the millions of light-years literally requiring a species many lifetimes to travel.  And for what?  If they desired to make contact, why didn’t they?  If they wanted our resources, why come here instead of using the ones on uninhabited planets?  The arguments were all valid and, soon, everyone was convinced the signal had been some sort of bizarre natural phenomenon and nothing more.

Yet even the more insistent skeptics were soon to be proven wrong.  About four months after the initial signal detection, several large, unidentified objects were spotted flying rapidly across the night sky.  It was quickly confirmed that the phenomena were occurring worldwide.  Nothing on Earth could move that fast in such a short amount of time, seen in every hemisphere, every country, and continent as they moved across the globe.

That was the first tip-off that the massive objects were perhaps not from this world.  The second was that despite being seen visually by millions of people, no form of recording could detect the anomalies.  They didn’t appear on any camera or cell phone video.  They apparently weren’t detectable by radar.  Nothing man-made existed that could prove their existence, save for the millions of eyes that witnessed them first-hand.

No government, superpower, or otherwise, claimed responsibility for their creation or could provide a credible explanation for their presence.  They moved as though plotting a more calculated trajectory, separate from each other, yet in perfect symmetry.  No natural phenomena could come close to exhibiting such coordinated behavior, which left even the top world leader unable to calm the populace.

Most alarming of all, however, was the smaller lights seen detached off the ‘main’ ones, like shooting stars falling to Earth.  It seemed as though hundreds, maybe thousands of them descended from the observable objects.  Some experts were able to extrapolate their trajectory, and within hours, hundreds of reports came in of people discovering the crashed objects.  Pictures immediately flooded the internet of what appeared to be perfectly shaped spheres, near the size or circumference of a basketball.

They did some minor amount of damage, some landing on buildings or property, but no humans were harmed as best as it was observed.  Most bizarre of all, no impact craters were found near the spheres, nothing to signal that they had crashed.  It was almost as though they had appeared there overnight.

Governments across the world warned against approaching the objects until they could be more carefully examined.  As many as possible were collected by all sorts of scientific agencies.  It was apparent the objects were composed of a relatively lightweight material that did not exist on this planet.  The spheres did not have any sort of surface structures or markings.  In fact, they were perfectly smooth around the entire circumference, signaling evidence of artificial nature.

Nothing man-made was able to penetrate them.  No chemical compound or metal on Earth could break them apart, no scan could see inside them.  Like the objects in the sky, the only confirmation of their existence was that we could see them with the naked eye.

Soon after their initial discovery, something even more strange happened.  The outer layer of the spheres seemed to break apart in seconds, barely observable to the naked eye as they dissolve away into nothing detectable.  And in their place were two smaller spheres, identical to the previous ones, save their smaller stature.  It happened simultaneously the world over, taking only milliseconds.  There seemed to be no visible catalyst to the event, no explanation as to why it occurred in such synchronicity.

As the hours went on, the spheres dissolved again, this time into four smaller objects.  As with the first event, it occurred in synchronicity the world over.  In a few hours, it occurred again, this time into eight.  The pattern continued, each time the remaining spheres got smaller and smaller as if they existed in the initial large structure like a series of china dolls.  It soon became apparent that the event would continue indefinitely, until the spheres went smaller than the visible spectrum and perhaps the microscopic, diminishing to the size of viruses or even more minute.

Within a week, nothing visible remained of the alien artifacts.  Yet from microscopic examinations, they had not disappeared.  They were immeasurable in numbers, smaller than grains of dust.  Everyone watched with bated breath, wondering what had happened to them and why they had even been dropped in the first place.  There was a genuine fear that because of how small they had become, they could enter the human body and do God knows what.

They say it was those in the vicinity of the degraded spheres that showed the first symptoms.  Rash, dry skin, and dizziness were among the initial signs of the bug.  In more extreme cases, vomiting, blood loss, and severe fever set in.  Yet, in all cases, the cause of the illness could not be identified.  It was as though something invisible was in the body, affecting it in ill-fated ways while doctors were helpless to diagnose or treat it.  Some of the affected naturally perished, their bodies unable to handle what was happening to them.  They were arguably the lucky ones.

Soon after the onset of symptoms, something with no terrestrial equivalent began to occur to the hapless victims.  Patches of skin that sported rashes started to peel away into hard, mottled exoskeleton structures.  Strange growths and protrusions began to form from various orifices, some with no discernible function.  Any effort to remove them was met with pain and their rapid regeneration after the fact.  It was as though they now belonged to the victim’s physiology.

No two additions were quite the same, as though they belonged to separate species.  The changes did not seem to occur at the same rate either, some individuals taking weeks to develop a sign of alterations while some effectively crippled in a few days as the inhuman changes took hold.

There was a fear that the changes would be contagious, that exposure to the infected would incur a transformation themselves.  And to a limited degree, that seemed to be the case as those nearby the initial spheres started showing signs.  Yet many who lived nowhere near the initial sources of infections began to show the same symptoms.  It seemed as though the virus had spread the world over, with no discernible pattern as to age, sex, or preexisting conditions.  With the spheres so tiny they were virtually invisible, it was nearly impossible to tell who was at risk of infection.  Since the spheres were likely to travel via respiratory droplets, skin cells, and any other direct contact, it was required for all affected individuals to isolate before they risk spreading it to others.

A few months after the initial event, the number of individuals who showed signs of infection numbered in the thousands.  It was assumed the actual figure was much higher, given that some chose not to report their status lest they were locked away for it.  For all we knew, there might be thousands of more people who had hidden away in their homes in fear, succumbing to the changes, or living them out to their conclusion.

Those first few infected continued to change.  Many grew appendages that were rather insect-like such as antennae, extra limbs, and strange mouthparts.  Some forms seemed more aquatic, while others displayed more reptilian features.  Others sported features that were inorganic, things composed of compounds that could not exist in nature.  At least, on this planet.  In those cases, even alterations that should have been deadly were non-fatal to the host, after the initial body’s immune response had abated.

There was every indication the forms people were taking on were not random.  But rather, they seemed meant to simulate types of life that did not exist on Earth and were perhaps in the domain of extraterrestrials.  There was too much variation for them to be one species.  Perhaps, an entirely new ecosystem was being developed on the planet.  No one could say for certain.

With strict media regulations regarding display of the ‘Infected’, it was impossible to know the full extent of the alterations.  Some were more obvious than others, such as those who developed wings or gills.  Still other, more bizarre attributes had been documented.  The ability to see well beyond the senses of a human.  The development of weapons, such as poison sacks or sharp claws.  Or the ability to burrow into the Earth as though it were water.

The number of infected worldwide still remained in the tens of thousands, thankfully.  Yet there was every indication the cases were still spreading, and there was no way to know how far they would continue before they stopped.  Would all of humankind eventually be infected?  Or would the source of the infection come back to Earth to reap the benefits of their long-term project on humanity?  No one could know.

No one in the public eye has yet seen the final result of a change.  Those who had transformed were instructed to remain in their home until they were ‘pursued’ to relocate to a government shelter.  As best as we knew, no one had returned after being taken to such a place.  Though it was advertised as a place meant to keep people safe, no transparency was given as to what really happened in those facilities.  Still, attendance at such locations was mandatory upon government request.  It was likely that some individuals were taken by force, though any video evidence was quickly removed from social media.  We had, in effect, become a totalitarian state in an effort to curb the virus.  It was a terrifying thought, I think, to know one day I could too lose my humanity or be taken away from study in a government bunker, never to see the light of day again.

Others had likely fled in fear of being taken off to such a facility.  It was likely that those people continued to change.  Some images of massive, insectoid abominations were recorded with limited visual quality.  It was hard to say what remained of their former bodies.  Whatever happened, all of those who had changed seemed to prefer to find places that were well out of the way of the uninfected.  Either they did not want to risk spread of infection, wished to avoid capture, or were simply embarrassed of their new forms.

As you can imagine, the world changed drastically in a short span.  Fearful of the viral spread, people were required to stay home as much as possible.  Masks and other forms of PPE were mandatory in most places, but it was nearly impossible to tell if such things were effective measures.  We were told not to see friends and loved ones.  Not to cross international borders or even leave our towns.  All events and leisure activities were indefinitely postponed.  Life as we knew it had changed overnight, and there was no chance of things returning to normal without the presence of a vaccine or cure.

Anyone with symptoms was forced to self-isolate at home until a test could be administered, and their status confirmed.  The punishment for disobeying the self-isolation was immediate imprisonment, likely to a less caring facility than the one they would have been initially sent to.  So, most with symptoms opted to stay inside, savoring what little time they had in their own homes with human bodies.

I guess that’s one of the reasons I started a blog.  I know some others are doing the same thing.  The world needs to know what’s happening so that they can try to prepare for the inevitable should all of humanity change.  And I hope that my personal journey helps others who might not be in a position as good as mine.

As for me, I have no idea when or how any changes will start.  My skin is getting itchy, but I have no clue whether it’s a reaction to the infection, or if it’s all in my head.  There are red patches around my neck and back, but I’d been out in the sun the last few weeks before I started getting sick.  I’ve been doing my best not to scratch it.  Don’t wanna make things worse.

I think I’m safe enough for now.  There are so many people locked up in their homes that they only come to take those that have changed more drastically or need medical attention, I didn’t know if I’ve done the right thing by letting the authorities know.  I just hope it all works out…

Day 3

Shit.  It fucking happened.  While I was sleeping, of all things.  I fucking missed it!  Though I don’t know if that’s really a bad thing, everything considered.

Sorry I didn’t bother writing anything yesterday.  Nothing really to say.  I spent the time playing some games, trying to keep my mind off things.  I haven’t told any of my friends the test results yet.  I wanted to keep things as normal as possible while I still could.  But it was a long day, and nothing else of note happened, except for a bit of spread in the reddening flesh.  What was the normal progression of the change, anyway?  There was no one standard to base it on.

I woke up this morning to something itching at the top of my head.  I reached up reflexively and found two significantly sized bumps just below my hairline.  Looked at them in the mirror for like an hour.  They seemed red, like the raw skin on my back, and still had the consistency of my flesh.  I was tempted to pop one, but I didn’t want to risk hurting myself or anything.  And they didn’t seem like they were full of just puss.  I was sure that something else was in there, something that wriggled as I poked around it.  Fuck, it made me sick.  I’ll keep you updated.

Day 3 Update.

Fuck, they sprouted!  Before it happened, I felt something pushing at the lumps, like bits of my skin threatening to pop forth at any moment.  I ran to the mirror, seeing the things wriggling just under the flesh of the bulbous growths.  I wanted to reach up and touch them, but I was terrified.  Would it spread the changes if I did?  I could only stare as they wriggled and twitched and forced their way against my skin.

I was disgusted when a deep pop erupted from each protrusion as these blackened feathery growths began pushing through with a spray of puss and blood.  I screamed, feeling them stretching forth as they started to move of their own accord.  They were still covered with blood and ichor, and I wanted to rub them clean, but again was terrified of their presence.  They fucking looked like… antennae?

I nearly puked at the sight of them on my flesh, wanting to rip them out and throw them to the ground.  But a part of me knew that that would only cause me severe injury.  The antennae were a part of me now, and removing the appendages would be akin to tearing off a limb.  Plus, I didn’t know how removing them might affect the changes going forward.  As much as I didn’t want to transform, I didn’t want to be a fucking cripple in the process!

I sat in bed for a long time before writing this.  It was surreal to think it was actually happening.  I ignored all the texts and messages.  I think a few of my friends were worried about my absence, but at the moment, I couldn’t answer.  I was just as fearful as they were.  I was already mutating into some sort of bug it seemed, and I couldn’t fathom a more frightening fate.  My life, my humanity, was all over.  I’d had so much freedom taken from me from this damn virus.  The entire world was turned upside down, and the last vestiges of my humanity and even sanity were threatened to go with them.

It took all my focus not to concentrate on the literal alien growths sticking from my forehead.  I tried to clean them up as best as I could, but it made me disgusted to touch them.  I was worried my hands would go next if I did, but so far, nothing else happened.  It seemed as though my body was focused on just birthing those… things for now.

They are so damn sensitive!  The moment my fingers touched them, I was shuddering all over again, tremors of sensation running all the way down my body.  Even the spaces where they’d carved themselves out of my forehead felt odd, like the still-human skin around them had been modified.  Thankfully, there was no pain, just a general sense of discomfort at the presence of the antenna.

I can still feel them growing, whatever force that had infected me adding to their size from just above the base.  I have no idea how big they were going to get, and that scares me.  They only measured a couple of inches, maybe, but it was evident they had a fair bit more growth to do.

I can’t move them on my own, which I think is a blessing.  I can’t imagine making my antenna wave around.  The growths are a dark greenish-black that made me want to vomit.  The tips of them are covered in tiny feather-like structures, though likely made of the same type of skin as the antenna themselves.  Their overall length seems to be evenly shaped sections, 4 in all for now.  But I was certain they had started with only two segments, so more growth was inbound.  They seemed less than a centimeter in circumference, but once more, that was likely just the start.

Gonna log off for now.  I need some time to process.  Attached a video of them, but they aren’t doing anything interesting for now.  Probably for the best.  I would fucking go insane as if I wasn’t already!

Day 3 Update

I spent a few hours researching insect antennae and their functions.  I don’t have the background, but the info was pretty basic, so even I could understand.  They were basically feelers, organs used for mechanical sensation.  Kinda akin to human hands, I guess.  But there was a wide range of things they could do, and it varied between species.  Anything from feelers, to sensors for heat, light, vibration, and even smell!  Fuck, they were even used for shit like mating rituals.  That was a disgusting thought, and not one I want to reflect upon further.

It seems like a wide variety of arthropods, not just insects, have some form or other of antennae.  I could just as easily be a water-dwelling creature as I could a flying one.  And hell, maybe I was turning into a fucking alien bear or something that just happened to use antenna?  How did I know?

I tried to research pics of them online, to see if anyone showed the same growths.  I figured it would be a good idea to know if someone was undergoing similar changes to my own.  So far, nothing matched.  But they were in the early stages, so it was hard to tell for sure.  Still, know thy enemy and all that.  I’ll keep researching in the morning.

Day 4

Ok, so this is pretty early for one of my blogs.  But I just can’t get back to sleep.  Not after I felt the things fucking moving!

So, just a little recap to go with the video I posted, but they are six segments long now, I think.  Might be a seventh coming in.  But that’s not the part bugging me.  Bad pun.  No, I woke up to an odd smell.  It was like stale socks and day-old pizza.  Ok, so I’m not the cleanest person in quarantine.  Sue me.  But this was different somehow.  Like I knew what it was, but the smell was much more intricate.  Familiar, yet in my awareness from a source that startled me.

I felt a strange itch on my forehead, and I moved my hand up to touch it without really thinking.  In shock, I pulled my hand away, remembering what it was, a pair of feathery antennae that no human should have.  Yet as I did, a surge of sensation ran through my entire body, causing them to twitch in response.  I could feel the vibrations from my hand moving.

I sat up in my bed, trying to steady myself from the dizzying sensations running over me.  All the while, the damn things kept moving of their own accord, drinking in the room like it was the first time they’d ever experienced it.  Which was sadly accurate.

I could hardly move for several minutes, just stunned by the waves of knowledge that were flowing into my brain.  There were so many elements of things I had no way of knowing, but just… did, somehow.  I could still smell and feel, but I could also… do the same with my antenna?  It was different, side by side, and yet not, somehow.  Experiencing both at the same time was just bizarre.  It’s nearly impossible to put into words that make sense, you know?

I really hate to, but I have to take some time to really explore these things.  I can’t just ignore them, much as I’d rather.  They were here to stay unless there was a way to reverse engineer the spheres.  And the latest news reports didn’t seem to have many updates on that front, sadly.  So, I was likely to spend the rest of my life with them, and it was paramount to learn everything I could.

Day 7

Ok, I know.  I’m overdue for an update.  But there haven’t been many other changes, save for the gradual lengthening of my antenna.  I think they are done growing for now, as best as I can tell, at least.  They aren’t really that long, or thick either when compared to my skull.  I’ve posted some pictures and a video of them.  It’s creepy as hell, I know.  But this is what I have to live with.

So, I still can’t really control them.  Maybe the connection to the muscles, or whatever the equivalent is, just isn’t there for me.  Yet.  Fuck, I don’t know.  Either way, they just kinda move on their own.  They wave in the general direction of a stimulus, and more of that stimulus is picked up.  It’s a little disorientating, but it’s kinda… neat?  I guess?  I can kinda figure out where something is just by the direction they wave.

Also, the level of detail they have is… well, beyond anything a human has.  The quantity of molecules they need to detect something is way less than my nose.  I spent an afternoon just trying to see what different smells I could pick up in my kitchen alone.  Things like dust, insects, garbage, cleaning supplies.  Tiny traces of things that my nose would be oblivious to.  It’s kinda… cool, I suppose.  I have to do some more trials.  Post suggestions in the comments while you like and subscribe?  Hey, what else do I have to occupy my days?

One thing to note is that they tend to respond wildly to new stimuli, the same as my other senses.  When I entered my basement for the first time, for example, they went wild, making me dizzy with sensory overload.  But now, if there’s nothing new around, they hardly react.  And I’m thankful for that.  My brain isn’t quite adapted for that level.  Got a lot of headaches the first day.  It’s somewhat better now.  It almost makes me wish to continue the change just to make them work better, assuming my new brain could handle whatever reports the antenna sends them.  That’s a frightening thought, isn’t it?  I cried a little after writing this.

It’s obvious I’m going to turn into a bug of some kind.  An alien bug most likely.  Or maybe a mutated version of an earth bug?  Bugs never really bothered me.  In fact, I always really found them fascinating, though I’d never taken the time to do the research into them.  Now that I have, I’ve been learning a lot about how they function.  Do I want to be a bug?  Fuck no.  But, I mean, I can take it.  I won’t be ending my life or anything of the sort.  I’ll see this through to the end, whatever that might be.

Maybe this blog will help some of you out there growing your own antenna?  Hell, you’re probably not becoming the same thing as I am.  Or even if you’re something close, dealing with similar experiences, the end result will likely be vastly different than mine.  But that doesn’t mean it won’t help you in some way.  And that’s why I’m going to keep doing it, making this blog.  There are millions of ways this could help people all over the world, and to that end, I’ll keep it going.

One thing I want to stress is that I don’t want any sympathy.  I’m not the only one out there going through this, or worse.  Maybe we all deserve some in this trying time.  But hell, if this is all I can do, get some of you ready if you start to change or show what happens when someone starts to metamorphose, then I’ve done my part of humanity.

Day 10

Yeah, I know.  Been slacking.  I guess you guys probably aren’t too surprised.  It’s hard to do this every day, especially with so little outside information.  I’m going at this in the dark here, and I can’t chronicle when I don’t have anything to report.  If I had some idea what the progression of my change would be, then I could maybe prepare you, or myself, for that matter.

I mean, I’m sure some of you still want to see my new antenna.  But the truth is, I don’t have anything new to show.  No growth, no new experiments I’ve been trying, nothing.  To be honest, I kinda feel the antennae are as much a part of me as my arms or legs.  I guess, weirdly, I forgot about their significance.  I know it’s only been a few days.  But I’ve gotten used to everything that they can sense indoors.  Nothing seems unusual here, anymore.  Outside, where the scents of animals and other humans exist…  I couldn’t go out, even if I was allowed to.  And in truth, the idea scares me.

It’s more than just the idea of getting arrested or taken.  It’s… every sensation I might encounter beyond my own house.  I just barely learned to smell and taste all the things in my own home.  The rest of the world, experienced with an inhuman sense, was daunting, to say the least.  I might lose myself to the alien senses.  Fuck, I’m barely keeping it together just in here!

I haven’t even opened a window since the changes started.  The place is starting to smell pretty bad.  Not that anyone else would set foot in here to experience it.  The stench of food, of stale air and body odor, they would have bothered me too, once.  Part of it was the antenna.  It was more… fascinating to my new appendages.  It wasn’t about good or bad smells, but rather the information they contained.  I guess it’s that way for a lot of species that rely on their olfactory senses.  Well, at least for smells that wouldn’t hurt them.  There is a reason things smell bad, after all.  But… did that mean my new body wouldn’t become ill when exposed to stimuli that would be toxic to the human me?  I didn’t really want to find out.

Been using the time away from playing with the antenna to surf the web.  I’m not the only one with a video blog.  I didn’t come up with the idea, but mine seems to have a decent following.  Internet fame in 2025.  Yay.  Mine is a bit more detailed than most.  Some people make only one post and don’t follow up.

There are a couple of detailed blog posts I follow.  My favorite is written by a girl whose infection has given her translucent wings but has taken her eyes.  She seems nice.  I feel bad for her, mostly.  She lost the eyes early on but had her equipment set up to record without them.  Her testimonials are really informative, more so than most of the blogs I see posted.  Still, hearing how she gets through everyday life is… sad.  I just hope that doesn’t end up being me.  I can’t imagine going through the rest of my life without any eyes.

There used to be another blog I followed from a guy who grew armor like bumps all over his body.  By the time of his final post, his entire body was nearly covered with intricate patterns of blue, yellow, violet, and some color combinations that were impossible to describe.  He was bigger, too, and had put a lot of weight on in the week leading up to his likely absence.  His entries weren’t as frequent as mine, but it was a fascinating, if not a terribly frightening experience to watch.

His final entry showed a pair of holes in his neck, positioned where one might expect gills to exist.  He had mentioned waking up with breathing problems, which lead credence to the gills theory.  It would be sad if he died.  I can’t even imagine the thought of dying in my own home due to changes only I experienced.  Equally likely, he’d been whisked off to a facility to be studied.

There are lots of other sites I frequent, of course.  Plenty have pictures of alien beings out in the world, in an unknown state of transformation.  The pictures always turn out blurry, even in the age of cell phones as good as any high-quality camera.  There was a running theory that something about the process of transformation made it impossible to show in digital images.  Sounds silly, I know.  But, without any concrete pictures, it’s becoming as good a theory as any.

Of course, not all the information on the web was… useful.  Certainly, the bulk of what everyone talked about was the worldwide pandemic causing alien transformation in some unfortunate souls.  But there were also blogs run by people who called the whole damn thing a hoax.  The lights, the spheres, the transformations, all of it.  Whenever challenged, they repeated the same tired rhetoric.  ‘The government was trying to microchip us all’.  ‘You need to wake up and fight for your American rights’.  ‘It’s all a conspiracy using cellphone towers’.  ‘Billionaires are trying to control our brains’.

I mean, I got the anger.  The sanctions on the populace to help stem the spread of the sphere-born virus were an inconvenience.  And there likely was a government conspiracy to stem the spread and hide away the infected.  But, I mean, come on.  Microchips?  What the hell did they think the government could do with cell phone logs?  Credit card transactions?  E-bills?  The government had everything they wanted on us without the need for a fucking microchip!

I hate sites like that.  Instead of coming together to try and figure out what was happening, we just argued and bickered.  How could we even hope to help each other when half the world denied anything was happening to us?  Fuck, these kooks claimed that the ‘infected’ were government spies, hiding away to spread the agenda.  We weren’t fucking in on it!  We were victims, turning into fucking alien life forms!

Sorry, got a little sidetracked.  I usually try to ignore it.  Yet, with everything going on, I let my attention wander, checking out sites that brought my mood down even further than it had when I found out I was infected.  Yeah, the depression has been getting really bad.  I mean, it’s understandable, I’m sure.  Even the most mentally healthy individuals would have a tough time with the prospect of losing their humanity.  But… yeah…  I’m doing great, even after getting used to the antenna.  The idea that I’m gonna change more.  That my life, my relationships, and my goals were all over forever…

Sorry, gotta stop.  Can’t write too much more about it right now.  What’s the point, right?  It defeats the whole purpose of what this blog is for.  I’ll get back on when something else happens.  Right now, I… a distraction would be nice.  Game servers are still up.  Yeah, that will help.

Day 10 Update.

Been feeling a little ill into the evening.  Figured it was depression related.  Food not sitting well, due to stress.  My guts weren’t cooperating.  Nothing I took seemed to help.  Glad I had stocked up on that kind of thing before I was quarantined, at least.  My rations were somewhat limited, and I had relatively little input in the stuff I was shipped on a biweekly basis.

I was worried that any meds might fuck with my new system or the changes, but there was little concrete evidence online to support that.  So, I took whatever I thought would help with the discomfort.

The pain seems to be centered in my abdomen, just below my ribcage on either side.  It did send aches into my guts, but I think it’s originating from my torso and not my stomach.  I decided to check myself all over, just to be sure.  As I’d feared, the area around my sides was red and raw.  Rubbing the area caused a tremor to run through the flesh, and I yelled out in pain as something twitched under the surface.

Really freaked out.  Skin is just red for now, and nothing happens so long as I don’t touch it.  Maybe I was imagining the feeling of something pressing against the skin?  I don’t want to explore it any further.  Too scared.  I’ll admit it.  I mean, if the antennae were any indication, I have some time before I change again.  But if it is something new…

Gonna try and get some sleep.  Can’t do anything about it either way.  No use focusing on what I can’t change.  Right?

Day 11

I didn’t think it would happen so soon.  I mean, it’s not soon, not really.  Some people report much more rapid changes than this.  Like the guy with the armor.  You could see it swelling under his flesh in real-time.  I still watch it sometimes, wondering if it will be me someday.

The lumps got bigger.  A lot bigger.  They were thick, red patches of raised skin the circumference of a teacup.  When I touched them, I felt the same fluid sensation underneath like a pimple or acne.  They were sore, too.  Not painfully, not exactly.  Just the ache from the reaction I was having to whatever was there.  I wanted to touch them, maybe pop them open.  But when I tried, I felt something squirm!  I have to admit, I screamed, terrified as to what they might be.  So, leaving them alone for now.

The two lumps, one on each side, were at the forefront of my thoughts all day.  Took me a while to figure out what I wanted to say once I started writing.  It felt like something was crawling underneath.  Worst of all, the growths, or whatever the fuck they were under there, were part of my body now, not some foreign invader.  It didn’t feel like bone or muscle, or anything I was familiar with.  But it was too soon to say.

Each time they twitched, it sent a slight spasm through my abdomen, like they weren’t meant to be confined by my flesh.  I have an idea of what might be lying under the surface if the antenna I have were any indication.  It was pretty obvious, but… it still didn’t make the reality any easier.

Gonna try to get some sleep.  Don’t think I can, but the wait is honestly killing me.  Metaphorically, at least for now.  I’m not gonna… fuck.

I was thinking about it the other day.  A passing thought, really.  I was sure I wasn’t the only one thinking about it.  People were afraid of changing and contemplated ending things while they still had their humanity.  I mean, it made a sort of sense, weirdly.  The world wasn’t getting any better.  I couldn’t blame anyone for wanting to give up.

The problem is, it’s easier said than done.  The infection has a nasty little side effect.  Well, instead of the obvious, changing us into an alien thing.  It gives the victim a high rate of regeneration.  It makes it nearly impossible to self-harm to the point of death.  Can’t drown if your body keeps regenerating oxygen-deprived tissues.  Can’t slit your wrist if the tissue heals faster than you can bleed out.  I think things like decapitation would work, but that’s not so easily achievable.  Haven’t tried.  Don’t plan to.  That, and maybe fire.  But that’s not the way to go.

That being said, suicide is not an option for me.  I mean, I always said I would fight.  And I still plan to.  It’s just… hard sometimes.  And the idea that the second set of arms might burst out of my chest overnight is… difficult.  I can’t really put it into words.  I’ve gotten used to the antenna.  But now, I’m being asked to deal with this shit on top of everything else?!

Sorry.  I’m rambling, I know.  What’s the point?  Other than for being cathartic, I guess.  Maybe we all need it.  One of the simple pleasures that even the end of the world can’t take away.  I know I said I was trying to be more positive on this blog, but…  Fuck it.  I’m growing another pair of fucking limbs.  I get to be fucking bitter.

Day 11 Update.

Fuck.  OK.  OK.  Breathe.  Just breathe.  OK.  I can do this.  I can do this.  Fuck, I can’t do this!  But I have to.  I have to.  I can’t, but…  I have to.

Day 12.

I guess.  Midnight rolled over.  It’s technically a new day.  So, it gets its own entry.  I’m ready… as best as I can be.  No.  Fuck, not now.  Not without a clear head.

I’m Ok.  I mean, I’m obviously fucking not, but there will be another blog post eventually.  I hope so.

Day 12 Update.

Yeah.  I fucking stayed in bed all day.  Too nauseous to eat.  I need to drink, I know.  Barely motivated to use the bathroom.  I’m just… tired.  I’m so tired.  It was a Herculean effort to write about this.  I’m not doing it for me.  I’m doing it for anyone out there who’s turning into some kind of alien bug.  Barely keeps me going.  But it’s enough.

Fucking things grew.  Of course, they did.  No one reading this expected anything different, right?  Something was growing under the flesh of my side.  It was gonna break the skin eventually.  And, I mean, I already had the antenna.  It made sense that my changes would be more… insectoid, for lack of a better word.  And insects don’t have just four limbs.

Needless to say… the new arms erupted.  It wasn’t quick.  It wasn’t painful, thankfully.  But it was extremely creepy.  I wouldn’t describe it in great detail, except that… it might help some people.  If I can make a difference in someone’s life by talking about it, then it’s worth it.  So, here I go.

It started as a pressure, tightness of the flesh that centered in both of the appendages.  The things underneath were trying to push their way through to the surface, desperate to be born.  Try as I might, I couldn’t manage to get them to stay still.  I had no control over them, no matter how hard I focused.  With a will of their own, they seemed determined to be free.

It didn’t hurt, as I’d mentioned.  It was… more of a numbness.  The audible rip when the things started to burst out really did me in.  I nearly fainted.  I suppose it was akin to popping a pimple.  Only…  A really big fucking pimple.  Complete with pus and goo and everything.  Some of it was the usual stuff, like all the dead white blood cells that congregated there.  But I was certain that there were some other kinds of fluid in there.  Something alien.

The things sticking out from my sides weren’t what I’d been expecting.  It was hard to see them at first, covered in fluids as they were.  They weren’t bloody, which was somewhat of a surprise.  Or maybe my blood had changed so much already?  It was impossible to say.  But the growths from my sides were too covered with ichor for me to make them out.  As scared as I was, I was forced to head to the bathroom to clean them off.

Touching them was an ordeal all on its own.  The new arms felt… smooth, oddly.  Similar to the texture of my flesh in some ways, though different in fundamental ones.  For one, they seemed absent from goose flesh or hair.  For another, they ran a lot colder than my arms and torso, as though they lacked the blood vessels for proper circulation.  Was I to become an ectotherm?  Needing to take heat from the surroundings rather than generate it myself?

Each touch sent shivers of sensation all the way through my body, making me moan from the overload.  It was as though they were far more sensitive than what my nervous system was able to handle.  I didn’t want to touch them too much.  The added stimulation was far worse than even my antenna.  I avoided contact with them, for now.

They extended about an inch out of my sides and were maybe ten centimeters in diameter.  They lacked any obvious shapes, though they seemed pointed at the ends.  They had no other distinguishing features.  I couldn’t tell how far in my body they originated from.  They didn’t seem to be growing from my spine or shoulders.  From what I could tell from my brief exploration, they didn’t seem to have any bones.  Fucked up, I know.  But whatever comprised them, it wasn’t bone.  They definitely had muscle mass, though I wasn’t sure if it resembled my human muscle.  I wasn’t ready to dissect them to find out.

The worst part, I think, was that I could move them a little if I tried.  It was hard to concentrate on the new additions, and I could only move them a little.  I think my mind lacked the connections to work them properly, which was a mixed blessing.  I’ve been trying my best to keep them at the back of my thoughts, for now at least, it’s… a trying experience.

Day 13

Didn’t sleep much.  Couldn’t.  Understandably, I know.  Likely gonna pass out hard once the adrenaline wears off.  But until I get a better idea of how the changes progress, I’m on high alert.

Got my care package today, enough food to last another couple of weeks, thankfully.  I didn’t have to worry about utilities, all my assets were prepared beforehand.  Not everyone was so lucky.

I haven’t been watching the news much lately.  It’s… unreliable, to say the least.  The media really draws away from the real consequences of the change on those infected.  The government has been regulating what was said on TV lately.  At least, it certainly sounds that way.  Online sources were the best way to get relevant information.  Well, if you had the time and energy to shift through all the bullshit nonsense and find like-minded people to share what they knew.  Which, for better or for worse, I did.

Just for the hell of it, I checked out a few news programs the other day.  There isn’t much on TV these days, with most new series being unable to film with all the quarantine restrictions.  Reruns still aired on stations that had a working crew, even if it was from home.

Everything live consisted of people reporting from their homes with the assistance of teams in their own locations.  Mostly, people were discussing the ramifications of the alien spheres circulating our planet.  But, it seemed that they spent most days going around in circles with their arguments.  Too much time was given to both sides without presenting evidence of the real threat to our country.

Anyways, it’s a waste of time.  Been looking for more blogs about those that have grown multiple limbs.  There aren’t many.  Seems to be one of the late changes that people report before they are taken away to a care facility.  Most have started like mine, having their new appendages appearing human during their initial phase of growth, before any other alterations.  One case, in particular, seemed very odd.  The poor woman grew multiple rows of limbs down her chest that even ran around her mouth.  Her blog seemed to be shut down which was a blessing.  I don’t think I’d want to keep following it, even if I could.

I kind of hoped that more people would share their coping strategies for having multiple limbs.  There were plenty of stories about how the infected dealt with their newly acquired tails, antennae, and weird eating habits.  But nothing about arthropod legs.  Maybe no one sprouted them until later in the transformation?  Or their recipients didn’t want to post anything online, too ashamed of the alien appendages.  Either way, I was on my own.

They haven’t grown too much since yesterday.  The flesh of my torso around the appendages was rough and raw, but it seemed to have sealed itself rather well.  Couldn’t even tell something grew out of there.  Well, aside from the fucking extra limbs that clearly weren’t there before.  Details.

Their flesh seems to match my skin tone, for now, at least.  It’s hard to tell that the extensions don’t belong, from the perspective of someone unfamiliar with human anatomy.  Even if they don’t look like my arms, and are way too short, they still look like they belong on my body, unlike my antenna.

They are still pointed, kind of like an amputee’s upper arm cut to the elbow.  I can’t really move them, even when I focus all my attention.  It’s for the best.  Maybe I will be able to eventually, but I don’t want to think about it too much for now.  They will probably change more soon.

Need some sleep.  Finally, I think I’m about to crash, and my anxiety has gone down enough to let me pass out.  I’m glad that nothing else happened today.  I know I’m going to change more.  I know I have to get used to it.  But not now.  Not today.

Day 15

Got a new contact, someone with two pairs of extra arms.  They reached out to my inquiry.  Sent me some pics of a transformation that is clearly further along than me.  I won’t divulge too much about their condition.  I think it’s best for me to respect privacy.  But they’re not becoming the same thing as me.  Their face looks… different.  That’s all I can say until I get permission to discuss it on my blog more freely.

Part of me feels powerfully relieved to talk to someone who’s going through something similar.  Mine just broke through, so I didn’t have much to contribute to the conversation.  But theirs have been there for a couple of weeks now.  They can’t really use them for human things, but they don’t seem to mind.  I’m not sure how they can act so comfortable with having them.  At least it appears that way from what little I can gather from the tone of the messages.  It’s only been back and forth so far.  Maybe we will call eventually.  I’d like that.

But the other part of me is worried, after seeing what the end game could be for my own arms.  The way those arms looked… that could be me.  Multi segmented, insectoid-like appendages.  Things that shouldn’t exist on a human body.  And yet they did.  And they would, in some shape or form on me.  I couldn’t even fathom it, which made it harder to deal with the fact that I would be soon.

Much to my shock, or relief, perhaps, was that my new friend seemed not to be bothered by them.  They were one of the first changes they had to undergo, and from all accounts, it wasn’t that big of a deal anymore.  I found that a little comforting, in a selfish way.  If they were able to get over it, being as big of a deal as it was, then surely I could, right?

Turns out, it wasn’t necessarily the case.  Finally got them to open up a bit about their most recent shift.  It’s… well, I don’t want to say too much here.  It’s their backside.  Insects usually have massive abdomens, and they use them for a lot of different things, like laying…  I can’t even write it.  I’m too unnerved.  Guess the extra limbs don’t seem like too big of a deal anymore, right?

Gonna take a break soon.  Mental health hasn’t been going so well lately.  The idea that the changes can, and will likely go that far is more than most people could deal with.  I guess it really hit me, seeing it happening to someone else.  Especially someone going through a similar transformation.  It’s like a prelude to my future.  And not one I wanted to see.

I keep checking the damn arms every few minutes or so.  Can’t help it.  I did notice that the tips of each had two red bumps that kind of look like pimples.  In fact, they sort of reminded me of the lumps that had formed before my limbs had burst forth if I was being honest with myself.  But I wasn’t in a state to look at things objectively.

At least they didn’t seem to be twitching.  The growths appeared for all the world like moles or pimples.  Though they definitely weren’t there when the new limbs started growing.  I checked.  And took pictures.  And checked the pictures that I took again.  No pimples or blemishes or moles or… whatever the fuck they were.

I gotta get some sleep.  Or a bath.  Or… something.  Something to keep my mind off things.  I’m getting paranoid over every little thing on my body.  Regardless of the circumstances, I can’t let myself get unnecessarily stressed over everything.  I’ll take a nap, try, and relax.  I’ll post again as soon as I talk to my new friend, or see any more significant growth or change in my own body.

Day 15 Update

Oh, fuck!  They fucking popped I’m still not over it.  It was… well, it barely felt like anything.  In some respects, I was thankful for that.  The pain of such a change would be too much.  But on the other hand…

It was so damn fast that I hardly had a chance to react.  I was sure they were getting a little bigger, but I’d been staring at them so long I couldn’t make heads or tails of them.  I wasn’t able to relax, not even a little bit.  No surprise there, I suppose.  Staring at them wasn’t making things any better.

I suppose I was afraid that I might miss something if I looked away.  But I needn’t have worried.  The pimples started to twitch all at once, making me jump out of the seat.  I was able to get to the mirror in time to watch the show.  There was no pus or irritation this time.  Maybe it was because the growths weren’t human and didn’t have any blood.  I couldn’t be sure.  Doesn’t really matter, does it?

One minute I was sitting there, and the next, the pimples were throbbing, and something was bursting at their surface.  As soon as I was able to look, they popped off, the excess skin falling to the floor as two greenish-brown points extended from each.  And then… it was over.

Claws.  They look like fucking claws.  Maybe the start of alien fingers.  I don’t know.  I can’t move them with my open power.  Maybe, I don’t have the proper neural connections.  After all, people don’t have claws.  Or extra limbs.  Or…

It’s hard to be certain, with everything else going on.  None of the species that people were becoming was akin to anything else on the planet.  It was impossible to know if we were becoming an amalgamation of animals on Earth, or if these were actually alien life forms.  But whatever it is I’m metamorphosing into, for the first time since I realized I was infected and was to change, I think I’m actually terrified.  Truly, deeply, fearful for what my life was soon to be as the change slowly robbed me of my natural-born humanity.

Day 16

1. Fuck.  I didn’t want to have to do this today.  I mean, a quick update, sure.  But not this much.

It’s coming faster.  Or at least, faster than it had been.  I guess I should have been expecting it.  It’s been more than two weeks now since I started showing symptoms.  Most people only last a few weeks beyond this before they are required to relocate to a government facility.  Is that going to happen to me too?

I guess I haven’t really been thinking about it too much.  What comes next.  Give me a break.  There’s too much to get used to every day.  Any given morning I’ve been waking up with life-changing alterations!

Despite what the propaganda says, there won’t be a cure coming.  Or, at least, none within time to do anything to help my situation.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have every faith in the scientific community’s ability to solve any man-made diseases.  But this isn’t man-made.  It might be beyond the abilities we have.

I know governments are encouraging everyone to be calm and wait.  They are dealing with significant pressure to make life return back to normal.  It’s what they have to do, after all.  I can’t say I blame them, for once.  I mean, what else can they do?  They can’t control forces beyond humanity.  Maybe I don’t even blame them for taking people away to do… whatever it is they do.

No, wait.  That’s bullshit.  Of course, I do.  They fucked up this shitshow like letting it hit a helicopter blade.  Most people are living in fear.  No information is being released on what’s happening.  The media is being controlled.  People are being taken in the night and forced into unknown relocation facilities.  That’s not the actions of a democracy.  But, is it a democracy that the people need right now?

I know, I’m getting political again.  Sue me.  I have the right to my opinions while I’m still human enough to have them.  And that might not be too much longer if the changes are really accelerating like they seem to be.

I woke up to see a brown covering over my arms.  And not just the extra ones, although those are entirely obscured with it now.  It’s a rough kind of skin, rippled and ridged in random places.  I almost scratched my fingers on it at one point.  Could you believe that I was actually worried about the possibility of infection?  That doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense, does it?  Maybe it can spread faster from one point to the other through touch.  I have no idea.

Bad enough that it’s covering the new growths all the way to my torso.  Thankfully, it hasn’t spread out that far.  Not yet, at least.  But, without even touching my new arms, the old ones are getting covered.  It started on the backs of my hands, from the looks of it.  But it’s since spread up towards my lower arms and has moved a few inches since I’ve been watching.

Gonna log off.  The skin is spreading, but slowly.  I don’t really know what else to say.  I miss the pale skin that I once had.  I miss the feeling of smooth flesh and the hairs on my arm.  I miss my fucking… sorry, sorry.  Now’s a good time to get off.  Feeling too sentimental.

Day 17

I haven’t been able to sleep.  Maybe like, two hours.  I didn’t bother trying again.  Too scared of missing the skin changing.  Too afraid of what else might be happening to me.  I keep checking my body, like every twenty minutes or so.  It’s becoming more than a little addicting.  I really need to stop.  It’s going to happen regardless of whether I’m watching or not.  Right?

It’s spread to the top of my shoulders now, patterned around my upper arms.  I couldn’t resist touching the skin with my still-human fingers.  Even if there’s a risk of further spreading the infection, I figured, fuck it.  I’m going to change anyway, right?

The new skin feels really weird.  It’s rough in some places, but there are smooth patches.  Some areas are almost shiny like they could display my reflection from the right angle.  It’s mostly the upper arm though the shapes there are slightly lighter than the rest of me.  Yeah, I know you don’t care about that level of detail.  Or maybe you do?  I’ll add some before and after pictures.  I’ve been taking them often.

It’s even starting to spread into my torso now, but I figured that was coming sooner or later.  The skin is harder there, almost like armor.  I think that’s the idea, right?  Insects don’t have bones, they have armor, chitin, I looked it up.  Am I going to lose my bones?  Will that kill me, mid-change?

OK, that’s dark.  I’m not here to remove hope, just to be formulaic.  Right, OK.

So, the armor is spreading.  It’s starting to touch the fringes of my belly, now.  I’m hoping it doesn’t go beyond that too soon.  I don’t want to lose my internal organs.  It’s stiff, firm, immobile.  Like an insect.  Like what I’m becoming.

The new arms don’t seem to be moving as they should.  It seems more like they are stuck to the outside of the skin, with no joint to rotate them.  They really just seem to hang there, limp and useless.  I figure they will eventually have more purpose in my anatomy but for now it was hard to say.

Wherever I touch my skin, it feels colder than it should, like its ability to conduct heat is gone.  I don’t have the option to shiver through the armor-like skin.  In fact, in the past day, I’ve found that I’ve felt colder in the house than I’ve been since the changes started.  I’ve had to turn the heat up a little, even though it’s May.

I didn’t think that I’d get so cold so easily.  I hate to think what it could mean.  Was I losing my ability to create my own heat, like an insect?  Maybe the skin just can’t conduct heat as my human skin could?

But that’s not the worst part.  It’s an itch from my back, right above my shoulders.  It’s right in the spot where I can’t see or reach back to feel.  It’s like something is right under the skin, pressing against it as the arms did.  But this is… smaller?  I think?  And more pointed.  It hurts sometimes as it presses into the skin of my back.

I try not to think about it too much.  It’s going to happen, no matter what.  All of these changes are.  All I can do is learn to live with them as they come, until I figure out what it is I’m becoming.

Day 18

Fuck, that hurt!  I can’t…  I can’t describe the pain of having those… things ripping out of my shoulders.  It was ungodly.  I think it’s because it happened so fast.  It’s been over two weeks now, and my changes have been relatively slow since then.  But to have this happen so quickly…

I suppose you’re wondering what I’m on about.  I went from ‘itching shoulder blades’ to ‘oh god the pain, make it stop’ in under 24 hours.  Yeah, it kind of shocked me too.

I didn’t get much sleep last night, which will surprise no one.  The pains in my shoulder were getting more intense as the hours ticked by.  It was in the worst spot, too.  You know the one.  Can’t see it when I crane my neck, and can’t turn around in the mirror to really tell it was there.  It fucking sucked!

Was able to get my phone out to turn the selfie functions to see the skin reflected in the mirror.  I finally got a decent enough look at the relatively massive red lumps.  They looked kind of akin to pimples, though that was to be expected, given the things I grew under my armpits.  I found myself almost frightened to think that’s what was happening.  That I was getting another pair of arms.  Maybe I wouldn’t become an insect.  Maybe I was becoming a goddamn alien?  How did I know?

Anyway, the throbbing against my skin was getting worse.  I couldn’t lie down right without a stinging pain from the damn spot.  They were big by this point, too.  Enough that I could feel them pushing at the mattress if I laid on them.  As if I needed something else to be able to tell that they were there.

It really started to hurt a few hours after that.  Like, major pain.  Literally, zero to sixty in terms of the intensity.  One minute there was some discomfort, the next, it was like getting dental surgery without anesthetic.  Only, two drills at once.  I was able to cool off the skin in the shower, just a little.  It helped, for all of twenty seconds.

Then there was a searing pain from my back, like blades sticking out from the inside.  I’m sure it was the same thing as being stabbed, though from the inside out.  I knew they weren’t growing from the bone, or else I’d feel something entirely different.  It’s hard to say where exactly they were growing from.  I think my internal anatomy has been changing all the while and I just hadn’t noticed it before now.  At least, that’s my best guess.  Who really knows?

They eventually broke through, and I’m sad to say it wasn’t pretty.  I think my body didn’t have enough time to mount an immune defense or something to that effect.  Anyway, the things broke through with very little blood, dead skin, or pus.  It was like all the human cells had decayed around the area.  Didn’t do much to dull the pain though, to my chagrin.

The bleeding didn’t last very long.  Supports my theory about my shifting internal anatomy.  I wasn’t bleeding any blood because I didn’t have any more.  Or, at least, none that was human.

A quick Google search told me more than I wanted to know by far.  Insects used a clear fluid over blood, called hemolymph.  I wasn’t oozing any at the moment, though I didn’t want to cut myself to see if that was what made up my internal circulation.  Even if it would theoretically heal, I didn’t want to test the theory.  It got me thinking about other fluids insects used, and I decided to put off any more Google searches for the moment.  In this case, ignorance was indeed bliss.

The growths themselves are relatively thin.  So far they are sticking out about two inches and are still growing at the time of this writing.  They are developing far faster than the arms ever did.  I think they will be fully grown in… however long it takes relative to the size they will be.  I don’t even know what the hell they are!

OK, sorry.  Getting a little scared.  Time to look at this logically.  As much as I can.  I’ve attached some pictures.  Maybe someone else has a good idea of what they are?  I hope I get some answers.

Oh yeah.  My upper arm is basically covered with the damn brown skin.  Almost forgot.  Same shade as the things on my back.  I hate touching it.  It makes me all too aware of how alien I’m becoming.  The muscles are under there, I think.  But the skin is stiff.  I can’t flex in the places where it’s hardened.  And it’s still spreading.

The meat underneath is… stuck in place, I think?  Or it’s becoming that way.  It’s taking time to fully form.  But it’s getting there.  There’s definitely more mass than there was before.  It’s firm, too.  Not much larger than my own arms.  But way more defined.  More than I’d ever expected to see.  At least I don’t think I’ll need the gym anymore.  Haha…

Small favors…

Day 19

I know what the damn things are.  It didn’t take long to figure it out.  They aren’t arms.  They aren’t anything like the antenna, not exactly.  I mean, they don’t work like the antenna.  I don’t think I’ll use the things to smell or hear.

Ok.  I’m almost done keeping you in suspense.  I want to enforce that they got long.  Like, really long.  They grew down towards my ass, and a little past that, I think.  It’s hard to say with how stiff they are.  They seem to point down at a 70-degree angle, or something close to that.  Again, not going to grab a protractor.  I can’t really flex them from my skin, sticking out of the epidermis as they are.

Like I said, they are poking out of that really awkward part of my back that I can’t get to.  And even if I could, I’m not really sure I’d want to.  There’s the whole thing about having no fucking clue what part of my body they were sticking out of.  Not bone or even any muscles that I can identify.  My best guess, from looking it up online really quick, is one of the teres muscles, but I can’t be sure.  I’m not an anatomy expert.

The ends of them are kinda tapered, but not sharp, not really.  They aren’t weapons of any kind, that was for sure.  But the flesh is pretty firm, so there’s that.  They weren’t going to break easily.  In fact, they were probably tougher than my human skin.  Same as the skin on my arms.

It was the growths on their undersides that tipped me off.  Well, the ones I developed since the last time I updated you.  The flesh under them actually cracked up, running the entire length of the growths forming a fissure.  There was this kind of… whitish pulp coming from the inside.  It was really wet and moist, and it fell out like globs of viscera.

But, to my shock and horror, they seemed to stay attached to the inside, like a parachute being released from a backpack.  It was then that I started to realize it.  It should have occurred to me before, to be honest.  But, can you really blame me here?  It’s been… tough.  Especially these past few days.  And besides, I never thought I’d actually have these… things.  Fuck I can’t even call them what they are.

They’re wings.  Honest-to-God wings.  Like an insect I’m becoming.  Cause, apparently, that’s how insects grow their fucking wings.  Well, no, not really.  I mean, the part about them coming out damp and needing to dry is true.  But the reality of how they form is much worse than that.

Did you know that some insects, the ones that form from wriggling larvae to winged things, undergo metamorphosis in a cocoon?  OK, every five-year-old knows that.  But, did you know the larva actually melts when it’s in there?  Like, the entire thing turns into this goo, and from that goo, all the organs, legs, antenna, and even wings form?

They literally die and dissolve and are reborn.  I mean, they don’t die, not in the traditional sense.  But it must feel that way.  I can’t even imagine what it would feel like.  They must have to go through some sort of torpor or hibernation or whatever the fuck it’s called.  Otherwise, the reality of such a change must be inconceivably horrific.  Like, ten times worse than anything Cronenberg has ever graced our screens with.

I think I looked at the info for three hours straight, reassuring myself that it wasn’t going to happen to me.  I didn’t think it would.  Unless I started secreting a resin or anything of the sort, then I was likely fine.  The changes happened systematically, not all at once under the melding skin.  It was bad enough they happened at all, but to become a pod of goo was far more horrific than any of the changes I’d seen to anyone thus far.

Did that ever happen to anyone?  Like, you wake up one morning screaming after being trapped in a cocoon made out of your own body?  Like, unable to move or get help or even scream anymore once the ooze enveloped you?  Forced to literally turn into a pile of goo before emerging with too many legs, compound eyes, and drying wings?

We’d have no way to know if it were ever a thing.  Someone could wake up in a cocoon and just never be able to type or get on the internet ever again.  They might live alone or be otherwise isolated before it happened.  Then they’d just emerge, a fully non-human creature to be captured for study, never to say goodbye to anyone, never to speak again.

What other horrific changes might befall someone before they could warn others or beg for help?  Some kind of mucus or goo creature?  A clam, snail, a shellfish?  Hell, it could be something we have no frame of reference for here on earth.  The possibilities were literally endless.

Right, the wings.  Got distracted there.  I could go back and delete the ramblings, I suppose.  But, it’s cathartic, I guess.  It’s nice to get it all out in the open.  And I can’t be the only one who thinks about this stuff, right?  Again, I’m sure that if what I ramble on about helps at least one person, then it should be worth keeping.  Hell, even I go back over the stuff every now and then.  Makes me feel better to see it all in writing.

Anyways.  The wings.  I have them.  I’m pretty sure.  The lumps feel kinda weighty on my back, dragging me down a bit if I forget about them.  But it’s not too bad, not really.  They are kind of off-white color and look really mushy.  They still seem damp.  It’s more like they are kind of stuck on.  I don’t know if I’m missing the nerves to connect them to my brain or what.  But it’s like they aren’t a part of me, as much as I can see the damn things sticking out.

I’m really tempted to take a blow dryer to them.  I can’t really go out in the sunlight, I know.  That would breach protocol and I would be taken to a lab and dissected or whatever else they did to infected people.  And besides, would the heat hurt them?  Weren’t they supposed to dry on their own?  Should I get them under some sun?  I knew that’s how insects did it in nature.  Maybe I could set myself out in front of a sunbeam through a window?  Yeah, that was the right idea.  Let the sun gently do its work.  Assuming it wasn’t an alien sun that was supposed to work on them.

That went longer than anticipated.  I’m going to tend to the wings now.  I want them to develop properly.  I don’t know why I do so badly.  I guess if they didn’t, then I’d be fucked out of flying.  Did I want to fly?  I mean, that would be kinda cool, right?  Even as a bug.  Right?

Day 20

Just a couple of things.  OK, probably more than a few.  I tend to get long-winded.  But, hey.  That’s why you’re here, right?

First off, as you might have been wondering, the wings have dried.  I moved my laptop in front of a window, and, thankfully, there was some sunlight.  Doesn’t it seem like it’s always cloudy in… that place where I live?  The one I can’t say for that reason I’m sure you already know about.  But, I’ll mention it here for posterity.

Side tangent.  Again.  I did the thing I shouldn’t be doing, but it is what it is.  So, that guy’s house that they burned down.  Rest in peace, my brother.  He was on the news, but they didn’t show any of the pictures of him after he changed, just an older photo.

It was clearly spurred by his infection status.  He had been an internet personality, someone famous enough that his address had been easy to find.  He came out a few weeks ago to tell how he’s been showing symptoms.  The changes were likely insectoid-based, but he didn’t really go into that much detail.  He didn’t have the chance to.  Fuck

Some fuckers thought it fit to burn his house down.  Their online presence was linked to dangerous rhetoric that nodded to ‘purifying humanity’.  The news doesn’t say they were an organized group.  But I’ve heard more and more stories about organized hate groups.  I haven’t looked them up.  I don’t want that shit on my browser history

Thankfully, they aren’t organizing on the streets to attack the infected.  It’s one nice thing about being in quarantine, I guess.  We can’t be attacked on the streets if we aren’t allowed to be there.  I’m sure if someone walked down the street with a waving pair of antennae and extra arms, then it would be a different story.

There have been anti-lockdown protests, sure.  There have been since this whole pandemic started.  It’s the extremist people from those protests, I think.  The ones that think humanity should be purified and that they were the ones who should do it.  Those are the ones that get the radical idea that killing the infected would get them out of lockdown.

There are even worse reasons, I’m sure.  Like it’s the end of times and the infected are a plague on humanity that the chosen ones have to abolish.  Never mind the fact that thousands of us have religious involvements, ones that don’t teach us extremist doctrine.  Clearly, it’s the work of Satan.  The Satan that flies around in UFOs and saturates the world in dust from former spheres.

But to actually kill someone… to burn down their house and burn them alive with it… thinking they were ‘serving humanity’.  I think that’s the most fucked up part about all of this.  These people, these dumb fucks actually think that they are doing ‘the Lord’s work’ or whatever fucked up rhetoric that comes by their lips.  As if God is coming down to ask people to kill those because they have a disease.  A disease that anyone has a chance to catch.  That’s just too fucked up.  Those people are fucked in the head, I have no doubt.

The worst part is that the fire actually did the trick.  I mean, people who are infected have a really high tolerance to pain and damage, but even that wasn’t enough to survive a fire.  Fuck.  I can’t even imagine.  That’s not a fair way to go at all

It scared me.  Fuck.  Any life is better than none at all, right?  Don’t these people give a shit about their fellow humans?  There’s every chance the entire planet could eventually change and no one would be human anymore!  We don’t know what these things are going to fucking do!  I wish people like that were the ones to burn!

Sorry.  That got dark.  That’s not why you’re here, is it?  Fuck, that was long-winded.  I’m sorry…

Day 22

Sorry, I had to take some time to process what just happened to, well, you know his name.  My blog isn’t the right place to memorialize someone.  It’s tragic.  I wish the people who did it would be punished to the full extent of the law.  And I pray that no one has to endure any kind of hate crime, especially on top of having their world turned upside down by the effects of a pandemic.

So, the wings.  I have two things to say.  The first one is that the membranes, for that’s what they look like, are a lighter brown than the new alien skin.  I’d say they were almost translucent, but it’s hard to tell.  The sky has been pretty cloudy the past couple of days.  Just like my mood.  Sorry, bad joke.

The patterns are pretty intricate.  There is no discernible repetition or anything.  It kind of reminds me of stained glass.  I’ve uploaded a few pictures for you guys to see.  They’d be fascinating if they weren’t a part of me now.

They seem to be fully dry.  They are much larger and wider than the protrusions they sprang from, though a lot thinner.  They really do look like pixie wings, though I know they are insectoid.  I’ve been watching them since they dried yesterday, and so far, they don’t seem to be growing anymore.  As best as I can tell, anyway.

I can’t move them, not yet anyway.  So far, they are just sticking out the back of me, making it impossible to do much else with them.  I don’t want to damage them, in case they don’t repair.  They don’t fold over or anything like beetle’s wings.  I can’t really sit down or sleep.  Not that I’ve been sleeping much lately.  Fuck, I miss sleep…

But, on the bright side, I think that just hasn’t happened yet.  The ability to move them, I mean.  After all, if I do have fully formed wings, they wouldn’t likely be just for decoration, right?  I’m sure I just haven’t gotten there with the changes yet.

In support of my theory, the skin around where they are attached to my back seems to have formed a depression of some kind.  No, not the kind I’ve been feeling.  Haha.  No, the skin seems to have retracted down around them, creating a circular indent.  I’m wondering if it’s going to be the beginning of a joint that will allow me to move them.  Hopefully, it will happen soon.  I can’t even sit down like this without being scared to damage them.  Regeneration abilities be damned.  The damn things go down past my ass!

I’ll post an update as soon as they start to move, assuming they do in the near future.  It’s not like I can do anything else.  Just check the laptop, walk around, and come back.  It’s boring as fuck, and nervous energy is keeping me from focusing.  I can’t even rest until the damn things do something.

Just a quick few more things before I go.  The brown skin has covered nearly my entire arm, now.  Part of me wants to try drawing blood from myself but I know how bad of an idea that might be.  What if I have acid for blood or something?  Ok, that’s kind of funny.  I’m not turning into a Xenomorph or anything.  I don’t think I am, anyway.  Regardless, my own blood wouldn’t hurt me, right?

One new thing is there is a weird bump on the back of each hand.  Itches like hell.  I’m worried it will be another finger or something akin to that.  It’s stiff, not full of pus or anything.  At least for now.  Don’t really know what it could be but I’m a little worried, I’ll find out sooner or later though…

Day 22 Update

Finally, I can move the damn things!  Woot!  Ok, it’s just a little.  The new joints seem to be more ball-and-socket than anything else.  There’s a round area where the nerves or whatever seemed to have descended into the wings.  And there must be blood vessels, or what I have akin to blood.  They seem more vibrant now like they’ve got a fluid supply.  It’s hard to say for sure.

Anyway, I can collapse them on my back now!  I can finally lay down, at least.  They are still a little bit too long, but I at least got into bed and slept.  Glorious glorious sleep indeed.

The only downside, well, if I can call it that, is that they seem to be spreading the skin on my back into more of that carapace.  The price you pay, I suppose.  It’s covered my skin down from the wings and about halfway to my ass.  I haven’t bothered to put a shirt on, by the way.  Not that you guys care too much.  Or, maybe you’re into that?  Weirdos.

The things on the back of my hands seem to have swelled more.  At least, they are still inside the reddened lumps.  It’s kind of nice that it’s happening slower, for now.  Let me get used to the damn wings, first!

The skin on my arms seems a little tight.  Like the muscles and bone and stuff is underneath, but there’s no give there.  Is it because it’s an exoskeleton?  I’ll do some more research.  Like I have nothing better to do…

Day 23

Back on a regular update schedule.  It’s for the best, I think.  I want to get as much out there as possible.  I don’t want to hold back if I can help it.  And, it’s the only thing keeping me sane, this blog.  The more that the changes come over me… it’s a lot to get used to.  This damn virus is asking a lot from me.  It’s not just me, I know.  Fuck.  Stay focused.

I think, in some ways, it might have been better to lose my entire body at once, or, at least have some idea of what I’ll be turning into.  A picture, maybe?  Anything more than hopefully relevant insect info online.

The individual with the extra arms has been chatting with me more often.  I won’t chronicle their changes too much here.  It’s just nice to have an idea of what’s going to happen.  I mean, what could happen.  There are too many uncertainties with the whole thing.  It’s just the closest thing to having a chatting partner that I have.

I know I haven’t mentioned the arms in a little while.  The extra ones, of course.  Thankfully, they haven’t changed too much.  Just two little lumps that move every now and then, of their own accord.  They have the fingers still, and they still twitch, too.  I know how casual I’m being about the whole thing.  But, to be honest, as the antenna, I forgot about them.  At least, as much as I can.  Too much else going on, you know.  Necessary for my sanity to adapt quickly.

I’ve invited more people to come and chat.  Surely, there are hundreds of people out there reading the blog who are also changing.  Surely at least some of them are getting insectoid changes.  Maybe someone else like me.  There has to be, right?  7 billion different species is a lot to imagine.  Who even knows?  But, at least if you come forth, then there’s a chance that it will help with that loneliness.  It will be a small candle in the darkness of this fucking pandemic.  I could use it.  Could you?

We keep worrying about being taken, especially if someone tries to take us by force.  I know we are all being monitored.  I got my care package recently, so they at least aren’t ready to come and get me yet.  Any time that our supplies were late, that one of us didn’t get online and talk to our small groups, then we all worried that our numbers were down by one.  It was a harsh reality, but one we had to live with.  And not the worst one that people with our ‘condition’ suffered through.  Not even close…

I know.  Rambling again.  Maybe it matters to you, the reader, if I put my spin on it.  Maybe that’s the only reason you’re reading this over any of the other resources out there.  Who knows?  Tell me in the comments!  Haha.

But seriously.  This is what feels right.  At least to me.  And, that’s the way that I’m going to present it.  Because, as much as I’m doing this to help others, or help myself, I’m doing it my way.  That’s the way that sits best with me.  And by the time this change is done, there might not be a me left after all this.  I know, not funny.  But I’m not going to let that bother me right now.

This is a form of self-expression, as much as art or music or any other creativity.  And I need to put my spin on it.  I am here damn it!  I won’t be here, not as long as I wanted to be, for sure.  But I am here now.  This is me.  This is what is becoming of me.  And it will stay me as long as there is a me left, be it here, or be it human…

Next time on?  Well, I do have the wings now.  Maybe I can fly?  Probably not, at least not yet.  They can’t just be for show, right?  Wouldn’t that be a kick in the teeth!  I’d have these lovely wings and never be able to use them, taking away the only light at the end of the tunnel of being part-bug.

Well, I’m going to try to make them work.  A series of experiments, to try to at least hover.  I didn’t want to, like, hit my head on the ceiling trying to float up into the air or anything.  And I can’t exactly go outside and take off.  But, maybe like, hover?  Float on my own power?  I have a few ideas in mind.  I’ll report on them next time.  Peace out, y’all.

Day 24

OK, so the first flight experiment has been a failure.  They can buzz, and I can feel the vibrations but…

I mean I really wasn’t expecting them to work.  My body was all mismatched.  It was basically like my bones and organs were too heavy for alien wings to lift me, or that the muscles in my back were too human to move them the right way.  I don’t know why, exactly.  It’s not like I have anything to base it on.

There are no flight experiments on any of the videos still up online.  Not that no one ever grew wings, mind you.  There are lots of videos like that.  Most are translucent, bug wings like mine.  There are a few cases of hands extending into wings with membrane-like flaps between them.  But I’m not even sure if those count as wings, not really.  They seemed too bulky to fly.

No one can actually go outside to test their wings, not without repercussions.  No one I ever heard from was lucky enough to be trapped in a mansion to have the space to try.  And, of course, we couldn’t leave lest we risk being taken away for breaking quarantine, literally a flight risk.  So, naturally, there’s no video out there of anyone flying.

It’s… fuck.  I was hoping to use them to distract me.  I had so many tests with them, like jumping off a chair and that.  I had so many plans.  Right now, the rest of them all require me to have a larger area to jump from.  Somewhere higher.

I was hoping they would work.  I was hoping…

It’s not that I really want to fly.  Hell, I’m afraid of heights.  I didn’t want to find a cliff to jump off and hope my wings would trigger and have me fly away as opposed to having my body hit the ground hard.  The thought terrified me.  I hated having the damn things.  They make me wonder about what kind of life I would lead with them.  I didn’t want to think about a lifestyle where they were needed for day to day tasks, much like any other bug on earth.

I just needed the distraction, one so extreme that it would remove me from the reality that my cozy life, my home and my stuff, could be taken from me at any moment.  But, the reality of my situation was coming closer with each passing day.  People who are changing don’t exactly get to stay in their homes for the duration.  Some were getting so big that they could grow out of their homes if their changes were left to complete undisturbed.

I’m really starting to get worried now.  It’s been well over three weeks, and my changes are coming faster.  No one who has been changing this long lasts online.  Whether they get taken to a government hospital, a lab to be studied or were, well, you know how the other man passed away.  None of those possibilities seemed very exciting to me.  Yet, speculation is useless without any way to determine the truth of any of it.

Right, sorry.  It’s just… scary.  I know it’s just as scary for those in lockdown who don’t know what is coming next.  I get that, I really do.  We are all scared and frightened and nervous and unsure for the future.  I want to say it’s worse for infected people like me, who are already in the midst of changing.  But, everyone’s pain is their own.

Sorry.  I need a moment.  This is getting too intense to think about.  I’ve already lost my family, my friends, and my humanity.  I can never see them in person again and I can never see my full humanity in the mirror.  Lord help me, I was almost starting to get used to the idea of having everything being taken away from me.  Yet, there is still so much more for me to lose.  And every chance of me losing it at any time.  I’ll be back on a little later.  Just need some time.

Day 24 Update

OK, I’m back.  Back to the wings again.  Not that I really have anything new to go on.  I tried to play with them again.  Their buzz was a little… weak, I think?  Like the muscles to move them weren’t quite where they needed to be.  Does that make any sense?  Like, I have the muscles to move them but they aren’t developed enough?  I think that might be the case.  Makes more sense to me than the wings being non-functional.

That’s a scary thought.  Eventually, they were going to be able to move.  I think the waiting is the worst part, you know?  Waiting longer to use them from the time that I realized I would actually have them.  Like I said, I hated the idea of flying.  But now that I knew that I soon could, I would rather get it over with rather than wait forever to be able to fly.  Oh well.  Like so much else that I’ve had to deal with in the past month, it’s all out of my control.

So, there’s something else that’s been bothering me, and I don’t just mean mentally.  It’s that persistent itch on the backs of my hands, right above my middle knuckles.  They’re red, and rubbing them seems to indicate that something hard us underneath, like… something made of the same skin that is slowly covering me?  I have no clue what they could be.  I wasn’t growing hands on my hands, was it?  What kind of bug had those?

The skin seems to be irritated, but like the wings or the extra limbs, they aren’t filled with pus or anything.  It’s like the skin is, well, alien, like my body can’t even mount an immune response.  Which, again, seems to be accurate.  I’m a little scared about what those things are, but, I’ll be honest.  It’s hardly the weirdest thing to happen to me in the last few days.  It’s…  I guess I’m kind of numb to it all, now?  Yeah, that seems to fit right.

I’m rambling again.  I’m scared, OK.  I know you guys don’t all blame me.  But yeah.  To summarize.  No flight.  Weird growths on my hands.  Scared of the government.  Yeah.  Peace out, y’all.

Day 25

Woke up to the pain of something tearing from the skin on the back of my hands.  I’m sorry to say that it’s not an unusual turn of events for me as of late.  But, I wasn’t expecting these… what?  Daggers?  Blades?  Knives?

Whatever they are, they didn’t seem to make me bleed, thankfully.  Though, I don’t even know if I have blood in my body, or at least blood that I know as blood.  Anyway, there was no fluid around the site, just warm skin around the spreading of alien flesh that I’ve started to accept I’m developing.  Just a great irritation from the spot where they had growth.

The things are sticking out about an inch now, and they’ve been growing even larger as the day has gone on.  I have no idea how much they will grow.  Hell, I have no idea what they are even for!  What kind of bugs have fucking hidden blades on their arms?  Well, they aren’t exactly hidden, not as they seem to reach the length of my fingers.

OK, OK.  I’m calm.  I’m not hyperventilating.  Anymore.  Yeah, I didn’t really like the idea that I have weapons sticking out of my body.  The problem is, the more threatening I come across to the government officials, the more likely I’m going to be a roasted bug.  Not the ending to the blog that I was hoping for.

What do I even need blades for?  The ends are pointed, kind of sharp too, to my chagrin.  I didn’t think they could pierce my own skin easier, except that they did to get out of my hands.  Well, the human skin, at least.  Were they some sort of defense mechanism?  A weapon for hunting?  Leave your theories in the comments!

Like I said, the nails of my hands are starting to change in shade, like they are being filled with dirt.  The brown shade is more akin to the rest of the armor on my body, though a little lighter in shade.  That was a scary thought.  Were my fingers going to be lost to something a bug needed to crawl or stick to things?  Was I about to lose my ability to touch, to feel?  I had no way to know.

Oh well.  Again, I can’t really do much about it right now.  Apathy is the only way to go, it seems like.  That’s all I’ve got to go on, so far.

Day 25 Update

I wasn’t going to post another update today, having wanted to watch my fingers change and figure out what was going on with them.  But, there’s been another development, one that I thought was worth sharing.  Besides, it’s getting a little harder to type, and I might have to turn this into a video blog soon if it’s going to carry on like this.

So, I was playing with my arms, trying to get those blade things to move, when I realized that the extra arms were moving in tandem with them.  Whenever I move my arms, the new ones, the shorter ones, move along with them.  I can feel them twitch in response to my mental commands, but I can’t move them separately.  It’s… kinda like having them on strings?  Expect there’s nothing there to keep them attached, not physically.  It kinda seems like strings are there, in my mind, I guess.  Phantom strings of some sort.  It’s weird, to say the least.  Even compared to all of the other weird things, I guess.

Really hard to type with them.  Issue is that they keep bumping at the bottom of the table when I try to.  It doesn’t hurt, though.  They don’t feel much pain, though they can detect the source of impact.  I guess that’s OK.  At least, for now.

Fingers have still been changing.  The tips are kind of pointed, and I’m really worried that they will make it impossible for me to type and then no more blog.  No more anything, really.  Fuck.  I’ll do my best.  That’s all I can do.

Day 26

Sorry about the late time in the day.  It’s taken that long to get control of my fingers.  They aren’t meant for typing.  But, they can type, at least.  If I’m careful to type slowly I won’t break the keyboard.

This entry is going to be shorter.  I’ve attached some pictures to it so you can see my fingers.  They still have the same amount of joints.  Wow.  I guess that means that I’m not turning into an animal.  Or a bug.  I mean, I guess the blades should have been an indication.  But my hands aren’t human anymore, not really.  I mean, I guess they sort of are?  Or, at least, enough to type.

So the fingers are pointed, into some kind of claws that easily break through my keyboard.  Thankfully, I had a backup so that I wouldn’t break my main keyboard.  The backup is super dead.  Claws went right through them when I tried.

They are a lot stronger than my other fingers.  But there are at least five of them.  That’s a good number.  They seem to be made of the same chitin as the armor-like skin on my body.  The tips are pointed, completely claws that are thicker than the joints underneath them.  But, like I said, they are still functional as hands.  Small favors.

I lied about making it short.  This is going to take me the better part of the night to write anything meaningful.  My fingers have changed since the last time I wrote to you, totally covered with the hard shell.  It’s up my arms now, and down my chest.  My belly is still there.  I can still eat, thankfully.  Human food still goes down.  It… still comes out, the same, too.  My digestive system hasn’t changed yet.  I don’t want to go into more detail about it than that.  But, I’m sure you were more than a little curious.  I wanted to give you at least something that isn’t too private.

Some people have reported otherwise.  Like, their digestive systems have completely altered before they were taken.  One of the aquatic creatures could only eat meat, while the guy with the armor could only eat veggies.  I think.  I almost wish I could still ask them, but of course, I can’t.  Whatever happened to them, I hope they ended up OK.

My one friend, the one with the extra arms, is in the same situation as me.  Their digestive tract doesn’t seem to have changed too much.  At least that’s what they’ve told me.  They are about the same way through their changes as me, as best as they can tell.  And they haven’t been taken either.  Thank goodness for small favors.

It’s weird, I guess, how different people can have such similar changes yet aren’t the same species.  I mean, at least it doesn’t look like we are.  My friend doesn’t have the arm blade things.  And their face is changed.  They can’t talk.  They can still type though, thankfully.  They don’t have wings that stick out like mine, but rather in a carapace behind their back.  The color of their exoskeleton is different from mine.  And their legs… they don’t walk on two legs like I am anymore.  If anything, they seem to be more like a beetle creature.  But since the change isn’t done, it’s hard to say.

I won’t talk too much about their changes.  One because it’s on them to talk about what’s happening to them.  They are more hidden on the internet than I am.  And they have every intention of remaining that way.  It’s maybe why they’ve  avoided being taken for so long.  They aren’t putting themselves out there like I am.

And that begs the question.  Why haven’t I been taken?  It’s not like they don’t know where I am.  And it’s not like I haven’t been chronicling the changes for the world to see.  It’s not that hard to link an I.P. Address.  Were they not concerned that I was a flight risk?  Was I changing too slowly?  Or, maybe worse of all, were they not taking people to relocation facilities anymore?  Why?  Are there simply too many people changing for them to take us all?  Did something happen to the power structure of the world to make that such a difficult prospect?  None of those options were particularly exciting.

I’m sure you know as much as I do about it if you’ve been keeping up with the news.  Nothing new, basically.  People talking about the pandemic, riots, and people spewing the usual back and forth about obeying mandates and questioning if there even is a pandemic in the first place.  Nothing about cases going up or new efforts from the government to make any changes.  Nothing that can even give me a glimmer as to why I haven’t been taken yet.  Or if I even will be.

I’m done for now.  Typed way too much longer than I wanted.  Goodnight.

Day 27

It’s been almost a month since I started showing the symptoms.  And I’m a little over half changed so far.  My stomach is starting to change now.  At least, the outside of it is.  I can’t even imagine what is happening to my internal organs.  Thankfully, I can’t really feel it, apart from an occasional gurgle in my belly that requires me to run to the bathroom.  But, for the sake of not providing unnecessary details, nothing beyond that is really different.  Nothing alien, anyway.  You don’t need to know about my bathroom habits.  Just to say that they haven’t changed, thankfully.

The process has taken a lot longer than I was expecting.  I don’t know how to feel about that.  I mean, I don’t like the idea that I’m changing at all, don’t get me wrong.  It’s just… to be in here for a month, not able to leave…

No one is really able to leave their homes, not really.  Not with everything being shut down and all.  Quarantine is fun.  Not.  But the uninfected can at least go to the grocery store and stuff like that.  I can’t unless I want to get arrested and taken to a government facility.  Well, sooner than what will likely end up happening to me here, at any rate.  To be stuck in here, to only see people through a screen has been maddening.  I can’t even step further than my open window, for heaven’s sake!

It’s… been hard.  This blog and the friends that I’ve met online are all that I’ve had.  And they’ve been great, really.  I wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even my humanity at this point.  I can’t imagine being without them now that it’s become a staple part of my life.  Of all the things that I’ve had taken from me so far, I hoped, I prayed that this would not be one of them, anytime soon, at least.

It feels like I’ve had so much taken from me already.  Friends, family, a job, a life.  Humanity.  I won’t get into the details.  Not that they aren’t important.  You don’t need to know exactly who I am anyway to imagine the loss that I’m trying to convey.  If you’ve been reading this, chances are you’re one of the people changing, just starting your own journey.  And, I hope this serves as some sort of road map.  Or, at least, if you aren’t turning into the same thing, at least some sense of what to expect.  Maybe I’ll inspire some of you to make your own blogs to help others.  Keep it going!

Right, I have to get on to my changes.  They’ve been, well, not entirely unwelcome.  Waking up to a six pack isn’t the worst thing I could imagine.  I mean, it’s not mine.  Nothing that I’ve worked on.  No hitting the gym for me.  No hitting the gym for anyone, but that’s beside the point.  Still, the spreading skin, while forming some creepy buggo patterns that I’d rather not think about, almost gave me abs.  Like, a full six pack and everything.  Just part of the show, for sure.  There was no way to tell if the muscles underneath were just as ripped, stiff as the hardened skin was.

It’s spreading lower and lower as the hours go on.  It’s really made me worried about my… well, you know.  I don’t think I set the blog to be over PG13.  I went down that rabbit hole online.  Insects have… well, very different mating habits than humans.  I’m not sure I want to know what it’s going to look like when it’s done.  Will I even be male, still?  Fuck I did not even think about that!

That’s a bit too depressing for even me right now.  I’m gonna leave it there.  I… need some time.  Understandably.

Day 28

Welp, here I am again.  For as long as I’m still able to be here.  The scary thing is that I think the changes are starting to accelerate.  It’s hard to tell just from the spreading skin along my legs, but it seems to be happening faster.  It’s all the way down my back, too, and around my… bottom.  I don’t want to go into it too much, but, well.  Everything works down there the same as it did.  Small blessings.  I don’t know how long that’s going to last.  I don’t want to think about it too much.

The skin is all the way down to my knees now, harder on the sides with a lighter shade in the center.  It’s more flexible, I suppose, not as stiff.  I can’t be sure, but I think that the muscles underneath are stretching, too.  It kinda feels thicker there, though I can’t really tell through the armor.  I think I still have my bones, but I’m not sure.  If they are dissolving, then the structures to replace them are in place already.  I haven’t been noticing any muscle weakness or any general discomfort.  Just the weird tingling as my skin oozes out more of that brownish chitin.

One thing bothering me is that I’ve got two reddish lumps in a patch where the chitin hasn’t covered yet.  They remind me way too much of the ones that I got before my extra arms.  Yet, these are on the sides of my legs.  I have no clue what the hell they are.  If they are extra limbs, why aren’t they growing from my hips like I might have expected?  I mean, I’m not turning into anything on earth, I know better.  I can’t know an alien’s anatomy even if it is closer to something on earth as I might have expected.

There’s this really weird sensation in my feet, too.  The chitin hasn’t spread there yet, not that I can tell.  The skin still feels warm like my own human skin still should, for what that’s worth.  But the issue is that my toes don’t seem to want to move.  Well, my big toes and the pinkies are fine.  But the other three… it’s really weird.  You know that sensation of having your feet go numb from lack of circulation?  Well, it’s like that, only… it’s not going away, I suppose is the best way to describe it.  And it might be accurate, too.  After all, there likely isn’t any blood going to them.  I don’t think I have any blood, not really.

My head hasn’t changed yet.  I think that’s one of the things that scares me the most.  Other than the antenna, I still have all my hair, though I found some in the tub this morning.  I don’t want to lose that bit of my visage, but I can already tell I look a little different.  I’ve been looking in the mirror every morning for changes.  Are my eyes wider, or is it lack of sleep?  Is the redness part of the anxiety or will I soon have red eyes?  How much of my hair have I really lost?

It’s best not to dwell on those things, I think.  Focus on what you can control, not the things that you can’t.  I’m going to change all the way.  Better to stay curious than to devote myself to being down about it.  If I can.

I’ll be back on tomorrow.  I want to take a video of the skin spreading over my leg to upload.  The more media, the better, I always say.  If I can get some shots of my feet changing, I’d like to do that.

Day 29

Well, fuck.  The day after I talk about my hair, there it goes.  Most of it, anyway.  I woke up this morning with a big patch of it on the bed.  Was a mess to clean it up.  Another big chunk came off in the shower.  Nearly clogged my drain.  I want to take a razor to the rest of it so I don’t look ill when I look in the mirror.  But, I can’t bring myself to do it.

It’s soon going to be out of my hands, or well, claws.  I haven’t bothered to touch it and I can already feel it sliding down my head.  Well, I guess I have to get used to the idea that I’ll be basically bald.  Sigh.  I’m not even going to bother to sweep the rest of it up at this point.  My housework has gone undone for the better part of the last couple weeks, anyway.  I’ve likely acclimated to the smells in the house, especially with my antenna picking them up instead of my nose.

Not that I really need a shower, anymore.  My skin doesn’t get dirty or oily.  It doesn’t really seem to secrete anything.  Not that I can tell with my hands in their current state.  But the skin seems hard and sleek.  There are holes in some places, ones that I can feel cool air passing through if I stand under a fan.  Though the ability to feel that air is limited to further inside the hole.  What did the internet call them?  Spiracles?  Things insects use to breathe through their skin?  Were they big enough to give me air if something happened to my lungs?  I was still taking in air through my nose, likely to supplement the air that my insectoid anatomy was dealing with.

I’ll be back on later today.  Not sure what else to say for now.  The changes are coming faster, I think.  I want to wait a few hours to see if anything else happens.

Day 29 Update

My toes have been so uncomfortable!  Two of them seem to have stuck together, and my pinky toes are basically gone at this point.  They stopped moving separately like, an hour ago?  Thankfully, it doesn’t hurt.  It just kind of feels… off?  I would be scared, but losing my toes is hardly the most frightening thing to happen to me in the past few weeks.  So long as I can still walk, I guess I don’t need them.  And my hands are basically the same as they were, save the sharp claws at the end.

I’m fully bald now.  All of my hair fell out in such a short period of time it’s surreal.  The tingling was annoying as hell, but it’s over now.  I’ve been avoiding mirrors as best as I can.  But it’s not just the baldness that I don’t want to see.  It’s the changes to my face that scare me.

I look weird as hell with the antenna and the bald face.  But the insectoid skin is starting to spread up my neck, making it stiff.  There’s another joint at the base, so I can turn my head even with the forming stiffness in the armor.  Small favors.  But I don’t want to see what’s going to happen to my face.  I can’t lie.  I’m scared as hell.

It’s one thing to lose your hands, your arms, your entire body.  But, the face you look at in the mirror is, well, I don’t know, you?  It’s the thing that you’ve always seen staring back at you from the time that you were born to the time that you die.  To have that change… even losing my hair and gaining antennae was too weird.  I couldn’t imagine having to deal with the inevitable rest.

I guess I don’t have a choice.  Like all the other changes, this one is going to come for me whether I want it to or not.  And, I really, really don’t.  I can’t believe I’m almost fully transformed at this point, as best as I can tell.  Maybe the rest of the changes aren’t solidified yet.  How could I ever tell if I don’t know what the end game is going to be?  At least, I kind of look human, for now.  Right?  Maybe my face will stay that way.  I can only hope…

I don’t want to come off more disparaging than I already have been.  So, I’m going to leave it there for now.  Not the time for dark thoughts.  Analytical all the way, for whatever time I have…  Shit.  Doing it again.  I’ll stop.  Goodnight.

Day 30

Fuck.  This isn’t good.  My friend, the one with the insectoid changes, isn’t online anymore.  I know they didn’t have anything better to do.  We have this system where we check in several times a day to make sure nothing bad happens.  And they had something pretty clever set up.  Can’t say too much about it, but I and the internet were supposed to know with certainty if they were taken against their will.  But, nothing.

I wanted the same setup just in case.  My friend showed me how.  That’s all I can say.  I mean, what’s the point of telling the world if the people coming for me can read this blog.  Hopefully it works is all I can say.

I might as well describe my own changes.  I’ve been nervous as hell, admittedly.  But, it will at least keep my mind off things.

My feet aren’t human anymore.  The toes have fused together, and they are really stiff.  I can’t really flex them like I used to, save a single joint at the base of each fused digit.  I don’t think they are quite finished yet.  There are hard claw-like things forming out of the tips, but they aren’t coming from under the skin, same as the ones one my hand.  It’s like the covering is forming over them and making a claw-like substance.

Having only two toes is… strange, to say the least.  They are thick enough to support my weight, at least.  And thick as fuck.  My feet are warping too, but they aren’t much bigger than they were before.  They are still flat, or plantigrade, I think is the word?  Anyway, they don’t have the arches that my heels once had.  There’s a ball and socket joint right at the heel, and the articulation is quite a bit better than I’ve had before, I have to say.  Small favors.

That’s not the only change that I have to report, sadly.  My face is… well, my face is changing.  First thing to happen is my nose going away.  The bridge started to flatten into my head, and the nostrils are beginning to close.  It’s like I don’t need them for breathing, which I think is now accurate.  I haven’t been breathing from my nose anymore, anyway.  I didn’t realize that at first.  With everything else going on, how can you blame me?

My chest isn’t moving in and out, which was strange enough.  I mean, how do you notice something like that when you never noticed it happening unless you made an effort to think about it?  I had to focus on it to be sure.  But I’m sure now that I’m not breathing from my nose anymore.  Same with my mouth.  Nothing.  I have no idea how the spiracles were enough to provide me with sufficient oxygen, but they must be if I’m still alive.

That’s not the only consequence of not being able to breathe.  There’s another one, that you might not have suspected until you realized.  Yeah… you know what that means, I think.  I don’t have enough air to speak.  When I try… nothing comes out.  I’m mute.  Totally, completely.  No sounds whatsoever.  I can’t speak anymore.  It’s… less frightening that I thought it would be?  Does that even make any sense?  I knew it would be bad but like, I haven’t had anyone to talk to in so long.  All I’ve been doing is typing anyway.  So, I’ll be continuing that, I suppose.  I can still do that.

I’m scared as fuck.  The facial changes have already robbed me of my voice and my breathing.  And they aren’t slowing down.  My entire body has been removed from its humanity at this point.  And my face is going to alter, maybe forever.  I can’t even put it into words how I feel.  I don’t know what else to say that hasn’t been said already.  I don’t think there’s much point.  I’m in the endgame now.  And there’s no stopping it.

I’ll be back on later.  The changes are coming faster and I want to watch them.  Rather, I have to watch them.  When there’s enough to report back on, I will.  Good Bye for now.

Day 30, Updated

Right.  So remember those bumps I mentioned a couple days ago?  The ones on the sides of my leg?  They erupted, too.  They look like their own set of legs, but they are coming from my thighs.  Yeah it’s… weird.  What are they even for?  I can’t move them or anything.  But they have the same developing joints as the rest of my extra arms.

I haven’t talked about my extra arms in a hot minute.  They don’t move in tandem with my other arms anymore.  At least, not if I don’t want them to.  I can move them separately now.  They don’t have the same five fingers as my hands do, for some reason.  I can’t really type with them, at least not as well as with my ‘main’ hands.  I can do some manual stuff, but, for the most part, I keep them still.  With their joints the way they are, the arms sort of curl themselves in on my chest, so I just keep them there.  It’s a natural way to have them positioned, at least.

It’s amazing what the human mind can adapt to.  Human mind.  That’s a horrifying thought all on its own.  Nothing much has happened to my face, not so far anyway.  But that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to.  And worst of all is that I don’t know where it’s going to stop.  If it can stop me from breathing, from speaking… is it going to get into my mind, too?  Prevent me from even thinking like a human?

I didn’t think I was going to die when all of this started.  Not after I got over the initial symptoms and started changing.  But there are other forms of death.  Was I to become whatever this thing was for real?  In body and mind?  I couldn’t even imagine going through that kind of identity death.

I’m scared.  There’s no denying that.  But, at this stage, what can I do?  I’m waiting at home to see if someone comes for me.  Should I try to run?  No.  I wouldn’t have a clue where to go.  I don’t know what they are going to do when or if they come for me.  So, for now, I wait.

Going to get some sleep.  I know it’s only two in the afternoon, but I’m tired as fuck.  I don’t know if it’s a lack of sleep, or maybe changes to my body now that the last part of the process is happening.  But I need a nap.  I can barely even think.  Goodnight.

Day 31

My face.  Fuck!  My face!

It’s my mouth.  I don’t even want to talk about it.  But, I have to.  I have to.  You guys need to know.  And my friend went through similar changes, as best as I understood from what they told me before they stopped showing up online.  But having to undergo them yourself is something else entirely.

The changes came relatively fast.  I’ve been up all night watching them.  Watching my mouth split open like that… and then my tongue… it’s a little much.  Even compared with everything else that has been happening.  But I’m going to do my best to describe it.

I can’t show you, not like with the other changes.  For one, even with as altered as my face is, I don’t want to put it out there, just in case someone can ID me.  Silly, I know, especially when IP addresses are a thing.  But just in case, I have to take some risks and try to avoid others where I can.  Besides, what if the wrong person recognizes me and decides to come and burn my house down with me in it?  I wish that wasn’t a real possibility but that’s not the world we live in anymore.

The other reason is more cosmetic and vein.  You don’t want to see what’s happened to my face.  Like, it’s not pretty.  It’s the stuff of horror and fantasy, and it’s part of my fucking face.

1. Calm down, self.  It was as though my face opened up, kind of like predator style.  There are two pairs of… protrusions, I guess?  One pair has ridges on the top of each, the other has these weird claw-like things on the ends.  I don’t really know what they are for.  Probably eating, but I still have my human teeth, so I don’t want to think about how they work for as long as I can.

That’s not the weirdest part, sadly.  My tongue is so thick, pulsating whenever I try to focus on it.  And I think there’s some sort of slit on the end?  It’s hard to look at myself in the mirror too long, lest I start feeling sick.  I don’t know what it’s for.  I worry that it will eject some sort of saliva that will dissolve my food and make me spit it up.  I’m really grossed out by that possibility.

That’s not the only change to happen in so short of a time.  I can’t hear anymore.  My ears are still there, but I think they are vestigial.  I don’t think they will last into my new form.  The canals are still present there but it’s as though the muscle and bones needed for vibration have just… dissolved?  I wouldn’t have any way to check without a doctor’s diagnosis or anything.  Fat chance of that happening.

And then there’s my eyes.  They aren’t… changed, per say?  But there is something heavy over the eyelids that seems to have replaced them.  I don’t really know what to call it.  But I don’t have the same kinds of eyelids that I had before.  Blinking feels weird, like they have split apart and there are two sets of eyes there and not one.

It’s a lot of new changes happening in such a short time.  I’ll do my best to look at them from a scientific standpoint like I’ve always done.  It’s just… yeah.  I’m barely me anymore.  I don’t even recognize my face in the mirror anymore.  And what I see… it scares me.

But, I have a job to do.  I promised I would keep doing it for as long as I was able, and I don’t plan to renege on that promise.  I’ll keep bringing news of the changes to my body for as long as I can.  I’ve been blessed (or cursed) to be able to keep doing this as long as I have without being stopped.  I’ll be back later on tonight if there’s anything to update.  Going to sleep now.  Feeling really tired.

Day 31 Update

It’s well past midnight now.  Can’t sleep.  Eye’s won’t let me.  Everything is so fucking bright.  I’m not really sure how to describe it.  It’s not a lens, not like my eyelid.  It seems to be some kind of membrane.  Like, really thin.  But when I try to blink, it changes the colors of the world slightly.  It’s like there are two sets of eyes that see things slightly differently.  And both of them see too well in the dark for sleeping, anyway.

I think I’m becoming nocturnal.  I want to sleep during the day, and I want to be awake at night.  I didn’t mention it before, because I didn’t realize it until now.  But, I wasn’t really comfortable being awake when I was writing earlier.  I haven’t been during the past few days.  At least, not as comfortable as I am now, writing at night.

I hadn’t realized it before now.  But the things on my arms… well, you know in X-men how Wolverine has claws that can retract and come out again?  So do I, apparently.  I wouldn’t have expected that but here we are.  They can move in and out at my prompting.  It’s like a reflex, a muscle that’s able to move at my prompting.  It’s a little scary at times, like I almost want to keep moving them in and out just to feel it.  I kind of like the sensation, to be honest.  I guess it’s kind of like a cat retracting their claws or something.  I don’t know.

They seem pretty sharp at the tips, making me wonder what they really are.  Some kind of natural weapon?  What kind of insect species developed blades on their arms?  The species I’m becoming, apparently.

I risked a look in the mirror, against my better judgment.  Ignoring the strange shape of my mouthparts, antenna, and lack of a nose, I did catch that my ears were half theory former size.  That, and the canal seems to be closing off.  Guess I really won’t be needing any external ears.  I think there’s a blessing here that they didn’t just fall off like any given horror movie trope.  Small favors.

Well, I’ll be awake for a while.  I’ll let you guys know if anything else happens in the next few hours.  I might be awake until dawn if this pattern keeps up, so there’s plenty of time to make another report if I need to.

Day 31 Update

I just heard something outside.  It’s not the delivery guy with food and supplies.  It doesn’t make any sense for them to be here at two in the morning.  Yeah, I’m wide awake.  And that’s good.  I might be more nocturnal now and that might have saved me if it’s someone here to get me, like I’m really starting to suspect.

I can’t hear them; my ears don’t really work anymore.  But I can detect them with my antennae.  There are three of them, human, as far as I know.  And there are a ton of other odors that I’m not really sure about.  Metal, maybe?  Gunpowder?

I can’t make out any of the vibrations they are giving off.  It’s like they are talking, but without my ears I have no clue what they are saying.  Something about… capture?  Oh shit.  I have to hide!

Oh shit shit shit!  They’re in the house!  I think that was glass shattering.  I don’t know, I can’t fucking tell!  I have to log off!  Wait, no, I have to get things set up…  I have to record this for all of you.  OK, here it goes.  Wish me luck…

What follows is a summary of the video recorded from subject REDACTED.  Camera had been left on the computer and the computer retained power from a back-up generator.  Camera had been set to record the bedroom, a wide angle to take in the entire room.

At 2:30 am, three armed personnel entered the home of REDACTED for extraction.  Personnel were wearing night vision equipment, stun weapons, and dark clothing.  From precision in movements, it seemed as though they were trained to retrieve subjects from their homes by force.

Subject remained in the bedroom, hidden in the closet.  No sounds were picked up by the camera as the subject no longer breathed in a manner to make sound.

Personnel entered the room, breaking down the door and yelling for the subject to come out.  No movement was detected.  Personnel scoured the room, aiming weapons from floor to ceiling, before settling on the closet.  Closet door was kicked down to expose subject,

A high-pitched screech entered the room from the subject’s mouth-parts, as they opened to reveal a thin tongue and several layers of moving appendages.  Weapons were leveled and fired at the subject.  Darts bounced off the exoskeleton, one ricocheting against one of the personnel and eliciting a cry of pain.

Subject moved rapidly as two, blade-like appendages protruded from the subject’s arms and were plunged into the chest of one of the men.  A scream escaped his lips as blood poured from the wound.  Blades retracted rapidly as the subject pushed the other two personnel away and made for the window.  Two wings projected from the back of the subject as the subject passed through the glass and leaped outside.  Nothing else of the subject was recorded.

Personnel got up and tended to the wounded, dragging him out of the room and the view of the camera.  Cries of “what the hell” and “get him out of here!” were picked up by the camera.  One of the personnel returned shortly after to retrieve darts and weapons that had been left behind.  Recording continued for five more hours before the program was shut down.  Nothing else entered the room during that time.

Day unknown

Final Entry

So, it’s nice to know they didn’t shut me down entirely.  I would have thought for sure that I was done after that… well, you know.  Whole thing got recorded and is on the internet for everyone to see.  Well, was.  I can’t find a trace of it now.  I can’t believe that they actually went through all the effort of deleting the video and didn’t even find the blog.  Oh well.

First of all, I have to say that this is me.  Ben Langley.  I know.  Not an exciting name, but it’s mine.  My real one.  Well, the one I used to have.  I’m not really sure how much it applies to me anymore.  But that doesn’t matter.  That’s a matter of philosophizing that I’ll have to work on going forward.  It could be the subject of a new blog, if I was human enough to still make one.  I’m lucky I can still type after everything is said and done, after all.

I know the name doesn’t prove it’s me and that I’m not using some kind of dummy account to type this.  But, I suppose I have no way to prove it one way or the other.  There’s no webcam on this old thing and I don’t have a cell phone anymore.  Not too necessary for what I am.  I can’t take a selfie to upload to you.  Plus, other than the photos I’ve already posted, you wouldn’t be able to tell it was me or even a human anymore.

I’m not a human anymore.  Or, at least I don’t look like one.  Whether I’m actually an alien big or some kind of DNA hybrid isn’t something I can answer for you.  I wish I could, to be honest.  I’d rather have some trusted scientist to look at what I was and give me a definitive answer one way or the other.  But there aren’t any and I have to take what I can get until I hear any differently.

The changes seem to be done, or have been for the past week or so.  I still transformed after the first night, of course.  I could describe the rest of the changes, but I don’t have the time to go into that much more detail.  I’ll try and provide what I can

My ass didn’t stay human.  It reminds me of my friend’s, distended and fattened into what can only be described as an insect-like abdomen.  My… male parts are still present but not in the form they were.  I don’t mind having a distended abdomen.  It feels strange but gives me the space for added digestion.  Probably why I can eat just about anything.

My face is gone.  My hair, my teeth, my nose.  Everything.  Don’t feel bad for me.  I’ve gotten used to my lot in life over this whole ordeal.  It does kind of suck that I can’t talk anymore.  There’s just some kind of clicking whenever I try.  That, and the high pitched screech I make whenever I’m scared.  I imagine there is some kind of language there but I can’t understand myself when I try.  It might take months or years to actually make the connections between my brain and speech in a way that makes sense.

Oh well.  I can still type if I have to.  Has to be a pretty sturdy device or else I’d break it.  But I can still manage with these fingers, so not all is lost.  And hey, the clicking does seem to be growing on me.  If I need to talk to someone, I can.  I’ll miss my voice, but there’s a lot I’ll be missing with this new life.  It is equal parts frightening and exciting, but I’ll grow to a level of acceptance eventually.

I want to describe a few of the things that I’ve been forced to get used to over the past few weeks.  I know that a lot of my readers want to know what it’s like to have a finished change.  What it’s like to live in the world as a totally non-human being.  I think I’ve done a decent job describing what I look like so far, with the videos and everything.  At least the best that I could do.  So, now, I’m going to delve a little into the sensations.

Being this… alien bug has its advantages.  And it’s not as bad as I thought it would be when this whole thing started.  It’s a lot different than I could have ever expected.  I didn’t know anything about bugs before this.  And there’s a lot of conjecture based on what I’ve learned by experience.  Some of it works similar to bugs on earth.  And some of them are far different than anything I could have ever imagined.

So, my senses are way different than human’s.  I talked a lot about my antenna, of course.  They are so much more important than anything else in my new anatomy.  The level of knowledge they give me about the world is stunning.  Like, they react to literally everything.  It was so overwhelming at first that I had to find somewhere to hide to get used to it.

But, once I did, man!  I can’t even begin to describe what it’s like to be so aware of everything.  Like, everything on earth has its own vibrations, right?  And my antennas are so sensitive that I can detect any number of frequencies.  I can sense a bug moving its wings as well as human machinery a mile off.  It took a while for me to really learn to focus on the important things and to phase out the ones that I didn’t want to focus on.  But, my brain chemistry has apparently altered enough that it’s not an issue for me, once I got used to it.

I guess that’s one thing I’m thankful for.  I have instincts, sure.  I get scared of light, or, at least, it makes me uncomfortable to be out in the daytime.  My circadian rhythms are all messed up.  I sleep during the day and I’m out at night.  A true gamer’s routine.  LOL.  But, my body is pretty adapted for the night life, and not just through the antenna.

I wanted to talk more about my eyes before I was taken away, but of course, I never got that chance.  My vision was starting to split when I wrote to you last, and I could already see better at night.  Well, my vision never really became compound, like I read most bugs possessed.  Rather, I have layers of membranes over my eyes, lenses that can see in different shades.  One I’m pretty sure is infrared.  One draws as much light from the world as possible, making me sure that I’m a nocturnal creature.  At least I can still see computer scenes, though it’s a little hard because there are more layers than there should be.  But, it didn’t take too much effort to read what I’ve been typing.

I can’t really hear or smell anymore, at least in human terms.  I can’t understand human speech, not like I used to.  If I focus on words, I can kind of piece together some semblance of language.  I think that if I was able to listen to more human conversation, I would pick it up again without having to focus too hard.  But, I haven’t been able to get too close to humans, lest I be seen.  I don’t want that, not yet.  Not until I’m proficient with my new body to the point where I can make sure I can avoid detection.

My sense of smell is the one thing that I don’t miss.  My antenna just does it better.  Odors don’t really stink or smell sweet the way that they did for the human me.  Rather, all the different nuances of scent molecules bring with them a plethora of knowledge that transcends human distinctions of good and bad smells.  Yeah, that sentence was a little wordy.  Sue me.

There’s one thing I’m sure you’ve all been dying to know, and that’s how I’ve adapted to the process of flight.  I don’t know what it looked like in the video.  It was a fear response from me, for sure.  I was terrified of men with guns.  I didn’t even think about it when the wings unfurled and I started to hover.  And my body seemed to move of its own accord, allowing me to fly like I’d always been able to do it, I suppose.

It was a little trickier to practice flying once I’d landed.  I couldn’t really make the damn things move again on their own.  I tried everything I could think of to make them work.  But it was a muscle that I never had before.  I didn’t have any human experiences to draw on.  So, I recalled the circumstances that led me to be able to fly the first time.  Having guns held up to my face and fearing for my life.  I think it was the fear response that did it, a survival instinct that insects have in response to threatening stimuli.  Whatever the comparison, it certainly works for whenever I want to fly now!

What is flying like?  Scary, wonderful, exhilarating, all in one.  I hated heights and when I stopped to think about how high up I was when I shot into the air, I got nervous as hell.  I’m glad I didn’t have any kind of gag reflex or else I would have likely puked my guts!

Flying as a bug is probably a lot different than flying as any sort of other animal.  It’s almost effortless, like the muscles are a separate part of me.  It’s akin to walking in the air, almost.  It was like my body exists in an extra dimension, not just the two that land based travel grants me.  I can essentially remain motionless there while my body moves this way and that, almost of its own violation than anything I was doing to control it.

It took me some time to get proper control of my body in flight.  I found it best to think about a place and go there rather than to try and move my wings.  The way I dart through the sky is probably more akin to how a dragonfly or fly moves.  Maybe that’s what my body is more based on?  It’s hard to say.  I don’t really have to move any other part of me to fly, though my antennae go crazy when I’m in the air, trying to compensate for the speed of my movement to pick up the necessary signals.

I mentioned instincts before, but for the mental side of things, that’s pretty much it for the differences from my humanity.  Impulses and urges, like hunger, thirst, the need to sleep, the need to expel, all of that feels pretty much normal.  I’m hungry for whatever food is around, though some things, like road kill, well…  Let’s just say that this species has a wider tolerance of things to eat than I did as a human.  Some things that my body finds appetizing, my mind doesn’t.  Thankfully, I’m not above eating garbage when it’s basically the same as fresh food past a predetermined expiry date.  I can tell with my antenna whether or not something is edible better than I can with dates on a piece of paper.

I think that’s all I wanted to say about life as a bug-man.  Where am I typing this from, you ask?  I can’t tell you.  I don’t think they are looking for me, at least.  So I should have time to say what it is that I want to say.  But, it’s too dangerous to try this often, even if they haven’t pinged the blog for the update that I’m giving them.  It’s likely going to go down after this.  I hope it doesn’t.  I want the word to get to as many people that need to hear it.

So, what will I be doing once I sign off, this one last time?  Well, I’m a fugitive, I know.  Those soldiers are…  I regret what I did.  Even if it was in self-defense.  I didn’t want to hurt anyone, let alone… well.  You may or may not have seen the video.  If you did…  I’m sorry.  If you didn’t, then just know that the government, or the private sector, or whoever is running the show, it’s as bad as we thought it would be.  They are taking people by force.  Guns and all.  I managed to get away using the means given my new body.  Not everyone will be so lucky, I don’t think.

Before my own experience, I had no idea that the people at the top were so desperate to bring in infected people by force.  There’s nothing on the news about it, at least not yet.  It sort of feels like it might be a military state for sure.  Maybe it’s starting to get reported now.  I haven’t been able to look for myself.  Been avoiding the media, or rather the places where the media is played.  Don’t want to get spotted.

So, with that confirmed, I want to be able to help as many people who are infected as possible.  Get to them before they do.  Find a place we can go that’s safe.  Where we can finish our changes and figure things out the right way.  Not in some relocation center or lab, behind glass and being experimented on or killed.  No, there are too many of us for that.  And soon, I think, there will be more.

Do you want my honest opinion?  Of course, you do.  You wouldn’t be here otherwise, right?  Haha.  I think that the virus, or the spheres, or whatever you want to call them aren’t done with us.  I don’t think it will just be a few thousand people that start to change.  I think that some people are immune, but they might not stay that way as the spheres make their way through the population.  Maybe everyone will eventually succumb to the changes and become something literally out of this world.

Do I think that the virus came from aliens?  Do I think the creatures that we are becoming are alien in origin?  Yes, on both counts.  That should be a terrifying prospect.  After all, humans fear the unknown.  But, the wonderful thing is, for me, at least, the unknown is now becoming known to me.  I know what I have become.  I’m learning to live like it.  And it’s not so bad.  Other forms might not have the same physical luxuries I have.  But, some will.  It’s something that I can help them work with, with the help of others in turn.

There is still so much I don’t know.  Are we being converted to change the planet for colonization?  Some sort of experiment?  Are they really aliens or something else?  It’s impossible to say.  But, I think that the infected are stronger together.  We might not find the answers, but we can carve our place in the world.  Face what comes together.

I can’t tell you my plan, lest it gets out and someone tries to stop me.  Though, I don’t think that is possible given the limited resources and the sheer amount of people who I think are going to be infected in the coming weeks and months.  But, it’s not something I need to risk just yet.  Still, wish me luck.  I’ll need it.

Don’t worry about me.  I’m pretty tough, again like you’ve seen in the video.  Whatever is thrown at me, I think I can manage it.  Flight is a pretty useful skill.  And, the more friends I find, the better off I’ll be.  Safety in numbers.

That’s all I have to say.  If you are one of the infected, stay strong.  It’s not all bleak and hopeless, though fear and despair are understandable.  I want to find a way to help you, if I can.  I’ll do everything in my power to.  If you aren’t infected… stray strong too.  Be there for those who are.  Be a support in any way you can.  Know that we might all be infected and that you might be one of us soon.  Treat each other with love and compassion.  Don’t let them separate us.  We are stronger together.

I’m logging off now.  I hope this stays up long enough for people to read it.  Hell, I hope it stays up long enough that people can still find it months from now.  I hope it helps.  That’s all I can ever wish for.